Chapter 3

A moment later, the "QUACK!"s resumed.

This time, they were even more piercing and triumphant than before.

If it was Donald Duck earlier, now it was a turbo-charged duck.

I knew they were retaliating, so I recorded it and called the police.

The officers arrived shortly. After listening to a chorus of duck calls with me, the officer rubbed his nose, suppressing a smile, and said it indeed constituted disturbing the peace.

So, I returned with the police for a second visit.

The man flung the door open, immediately yelling, "What the hell do you want now?!"

I didn't say anything. The officer showed his badge and stated:

"Hello, you're disturbing the peace. Please keep the noise down. Other people are trying to sleep."

The man finally noticed the police, his eyes wide. "You actually called the cops for this?!"

I couldn't take it anymore. "Can you just shut your damn mouth for once?! Can you please have some freaking manners?!"

"Didn't you hear the officer? You're disturbing the peace, got it?"

He was in the wrong, but his indignation was strong. "I can do whatever I want in my own home! What we do in our marriage is none of your business!"

He didn't say "what we do in our marriage," of course. Let's just say he used a much cruder term, but I'm keeping it classy for you.

I said, "I'm not against you two being affectionate, but can you keep it down? Stop all that 'QUACK QUACK QUACK.' Is your wife a duck or something?"

"You got the guts to say that again?!"

I mimicked his wife, pinching my throat: "QUACK QUACK QUACK, you're so good, honey, QUACK QUACK QUACK."

The man's face turned beet red. He lunged at me, ready to fight.

The police officers pulled him back.

They took him aside, appealing to his emotions and explaining the law for a long time.

But he was stubborn as a mule, insisting it was personal privacy and nobody else's business.

I got it then. The police could only mediate. With someone so unreasonable, I didn't expect him to have a sudden change of heart or turn over a new leaf.

So, I voluntarily signed the police report and sent the officers on their way.

Sure enough, they quickly reverted to their old ways.

I scoffed.

When I try to be reasonable with you, you'd better be reasonable back.

Otherwise, I'll be even nastier than you.

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