Chapter 2

The burst of laughter behind the door turned my stomach.

I felt like a trained monkey in a circus, put on display for everyone's amusement.

Still, I acted like I heard nothing. I stepped in, paid the bill with a blank face, and drove him home just like always.

Looking at that face—a face eighty percent identical to Luke's—I simply couldn't find the strength to let him go.

If I couldn't keep Luke by my side, keeping his mirror image felt like the next best thing.

Soon after, Julian's family began aggressively pressuring him to settle down. Under my relentless pursuit, he quickly agreed to make us an official couple just to escape his parents' nagging.

After all, I never controlled him.

I simply treated him with unconditional care, catering to his every need.

Yet I never initiated any physical intimacy, nor did I bat an eye when he flirted with other women on SnapChat.

In fact, I helped him pick out gifts for other girls and brainstormed cute ways for him to win them over.

One night, he even called me to bring a box of condoms to his hotel room, and I drove through the pouring rain to deliver them without a word.

Everyone whispered that I had lost all dignity, that I was a doormat with zero pride left.

Julian thought it was weird at times, but his ego was too massive; he just chalked it up to his irresistible charm.

He smugly convinced himself that I was totally addicted to him.

Our relationship was nothing more than an unspoken transaction: we each took what we needed.

Whenever I stared at Julian in a daze, I was always looking right through him, searching for Luke.

I wondered what Luke was doing right now.

Did he ever, even for a split second, think of me?

Maybe when he was done wandering, he would come home.

It was my fault. I wasn't gentle enough, wasn't sweet enough, wasn't attentive enough.

If he ever returned, I promised myself I would fix every flaw until I was exactly who he wanted.

As long as he came back, I wouldn't hold a single grudge. I would forgive him for walking out on me. I would happily trample my own dignity into the dirt for him.

Luke and I met during the winter when we were both eight years old.

Even now, I can clearly recall the crisp, icy smell of that afternoon.

The snow had blanketed everything. I ran downstairs to build a snowman like I always did.

In a quiet corner of the neighborhood, a gang of local kids was picking on a frail little boy, shoving freezing snowballs down his coat collar and throwing them right into his face.

His cheeks were bright red. He huddled against the brick wall, cowering, not daring to argue or fight back.

He just took the abuse while the bullies cackled.

I couldn't stand seeing someone picked on. I lunged forward, packed a snowball, and slammed it straight into the ringleader's head.

I had a fierce temper back then and could easily fight off three boys at once. The neighborhood kids always called me a tomboy behind my back.

"Look out! The tomboy's here to protect the wimp!" they shouted, laughing nervously as they scattered.

I hurled several more hard snowballs at their backs until I finally ran out of breath.

"Are you stupid? They beat you up and you don't even hit back?" I snapped, rolling my eyes at the boy.

He looked up. Meeting those wide, terrified, tear-filled eyes, my voice instantly softened.

"What's your name? I'm Nina. Don't be scared anymore. From now on, I've got your back. I'll protect you."

"...I'm Luke."

From that day on, Luke became my shadow.

Even though he was a couple of months older than me, he always trailed behind, calling me "Nina" with pure admiration.

He told me that being around me made him feel safe, like having a fierce older sister.

He said no one had ever treated him that kindly before.