Chapter 1

Her eyes widened when his tool sprang free from constraint. He glanced down and winced, understanding her surprise. He was harder than he’d ever been in his life. His tool strained upward, so long and thick.

****************

“What on earth were you doing there tonight Sandra? Do you have any clue what Craig could have done to you? Let me tell you. He would have had you bent over while he did unpleasant things to your body. It would have been all about his own pleasure and satisfaction. What were you thinking?”

“I know exactly what I was doing, you will never understand"....

His eyes widened in confusion.....

*********

Sandra had loved her late husband with all her heart, and after 5 years of mourning and resignation, she has decided to move on with her life. She has a deep desire and an ache in her which she felt her late husband couldn't give her, no matter how much he loved her and could give her everything as a multi billionaire. Now that he's gone, she begins her search for the one thing her beloved late husband couldn't give her. What she doesn't know is that someone she had considered as a good friend of her husband for many years has a strong feeling for her, and had been waiting patiently for an opportunity to prove it to her. Little did he know that she has a deep desire, a huge void in her, which her late husband was not able to satisfy or fill. Having been in love with her for a long time now, he was determined to go the extra length, to ensure that he will be the only man to fill that void and grant those desires in her. But what if there's a competitor?

CHAPTER 1

A beautiful woman was getting ready to visit her late husband's grave for the very last time. She had decided to move on with her life after a couple of years, despite her initial vow not to fall in love with anyone else after his death. She had loved him with the whole of her heart and soul, and she had clearly decided that even in death, she won't stop loving him.

He’d given her everything she could have ever wanted. His love. His respect. Everything but the one thing she needed most, and it was something she could have never asked him for. She’d loved him too much to ever demand of him something he couldn’t give her.

She shook away the heavy veil of sadness, determined to get through the day and on with her life. Her new life.

She picked up the flowers, her favorite, and brought them to her nose, closing her eyes as she inhaled. They were what he always gave her. Every birthday. Every anniversary. Or any time just because. Today she’d place them on his grave and walk away. This time for good.

She didn’t need to see the cold slab of marble that marked his life and death to remind her of her husband. That wasn’t the way she wanted to remember him. She was through torturing herself by standing over his grave, missing him with her every breath.

He’d live in her heart and soul always. That was where she’d visit him in the future. Not on the grassy knoll that covered the casket underneath.

She walked briskly to the front door, letting herself out and blinking against the sudden wash of sun. Though it was spring, the Houston weather was already warm and she was glad she’d worn the short-sleeved T-shirt instead of the black dress she always wore.

And there was Derrick, leaning against his car, waiting for her as she knew he would be. He straightened when he saw her, and she saw a brief flicker of surprise before he schooled his features and extended a hand to her.

She slid her fingers over his and he gave her hand a light squeeze. No words were necessary. They both grieved the loss of her husband and his best friend.

“You look lovely, Sandra,” he said as he walked her around to the passenger side.

She smiled, knowing she didn’t look particularly lovely today. And he was likely surprised by her casual appearance, but he didn’t remark on it. He took the flowers and carefully positioned them in the back so they wouldn’t fall over, and then closed her door after ensuring she was fully inside.

She watched him stride around the front of the car, his long legs eating up the distance in a matter of seconds. Then he slid into the driver’s seat and his scent wafted through her nostrils.

Derrick always smelled the same. Utterly masculine, though she knew he never wore cologne or aftershave. He was a no-frills kind of guy, much like Clement had been, though her husband had worn expensive clothing and even his casual wear was tailored to fit his personality.

Even Derrick’s car fitted his personality. A sleek black Jaguar. How appropriate he drove a vehicle named for a predator. He fit the part well.

They’d been partners in business, but Clement had always been the front man. The one who wined and dined clients, the polished spokesman, the one who sealed the deals, attended all the social events while Derrick worked behind the scenes. The closer. The one who always did most of the legwork and fixed the problems.

Clement had often laughed and said he was the looks and charm and Derrick was the brains of the operation. But Derrick was certainly not lacking in looks or charm. They were the complete antithesis of one another. Clement was fair-haired to Derrick’s dark brown, and while Clement’s eyes were blue, Derrick’s were a deep brown, enhanced by his darker coloring. He wasn’t any less attractive than Clement. His was just a quieter attractiveness. Silent. Brooding almost. He had made Sandra nervous back when she’d first met him when she and Clement had dated. Theirs had been a whirlwind courtship. Clement had swept her off her feet, and Sandra had known that Derrick was concerned that his friend was getting in way over his head. Moving too fast. The fact Sandra knew that had made her wary of Derrick, but over time, he’d become her rock. Especially after Clement had died.

As they drove out of Sandra’s exclusive subdivision, Derrick reached over for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and as he’d done before, he squeezed lightly, a gesture of reassurance.

Sandra turned and smiled at him, telling him without words that she was okay. As they stopped at a red light, Derrick studied her intently, almost as if he were trying to decipher what was different about her.

Evidently satisfied with whatever he’d seen in her eyes or expression, he smiled back, but he kept hold of her hand as he navigated through traffic on the way to the cemetery, just a few miles from where Sandra and Clement had lived.

They drove in comfortable silence, but then they’d never conversed much on the day Derrick drove her to the cemetery every year. Oh, Sandra visited at other times, but Derrick always accompanied her on the anniversary.

But that wasn’t the only time she saw Derrick. He’d stepped in from the moment Clement had passed away and he’d been her rock ever since. That first year especially, she’d needed him desperately and he never hesitated, no matter what she needed, whether it was help deciphering the paperwork and red tape after her husband’s death or simply coming over to keep her company on the days she felt herself falling apart.

She would be forever grateful for Derrick and his unwavering support over the last three years, but it was time to move on. It was time for her to stand on her own two feet and it was time for him to stop having to babysit her.

Today was not only about her letting go of Clement, but of Derrick as well. He deserved more than to be saddled with the responsibility of his best friend’s widow. He had a life of his own. She had no idea of his relationships or if he was even in a steady relationship. She realized with sudden clarity just how selfish and self-absorbed she’d been since her husband’s death. Derrick had been a steady fixture, one she’d taken for granted, but she would do it no longer. It would be a miracle if Derrick were in a steady relationship because not many women would be tolerant of him dropping everything to rush to the aid of his best friend’s widow.

When they arrived at the cemetery, Derrick parked and Sandra immediately got out, not waiting for him to come around for her. She opened the door to the backseat and leaned in to retrieve the flowers.

“I’ll get them, Sandra.”

Derrick’s low voice brushed over her ears, causing a prickle at her nape. She picked up the vase and turned with a reassuring smile.

“I’ve got it, Derrick. I’m okay.”

He gave her an inscrutable stare and she got the impression he was studying her again, trying to peel back the layers and get into her head. It was as if he knew something was different but couldn’t put his finger on it. Which was just as well, because she would die if he could read her thoughts. If he knew just what it was she’d planned and how she intended to move on with her life.

He’d be horrified, no doubt. He’d wonder if she’d finally snapped and he’d probably haul her into a shrink’s office so fast it would make her head spin. Which was why she had no intention of letting him know.

Her girlfriends were another matter. Karla would understand absolutely. She’d even be encouraging. Sophia . . . not so much.

Sophia was Sandra’s sister-in-law, Clement’s only sibling. They’d both grown up in horrific circumstances, and just as Clement could never provide what Sandra craved—needed—neither would Sophia ever understand what drove Sandra.

She might even be angry with Sandra’s choices. Might think it was a betrayal of her brother. Sandra could only hope she’d support her even if she didn’t fully understand.

But she was getting ahead of herself. First the cemetery and talking to Clement one last time. Then she’d tackle her best friends over lunch. She needed as much as possible to keep busy today, because tonight?

Tonight was when it all began.

Sandra waited for the betraying sting of tears as they neared Clement’s grave. But oddly, she felt at peace for the first time in three long years. Yes, it was time.

She knelt and gently brushed away the leaves and dust at the base of the headstone before setting the vase of flowers in the middle. Her gaze drifted upward to the inscription. The reminder of Clement’s birth and death.

Her finger slowly traced the words. Beloved husband, brother and best friend. Those words said it all. A reminder of those left behind who mourned him still. She’d insisted that Derrick be honored on the headstone, as he was every bit as much family as herself and Sophia. She only wished they’d had children so his legacy and memory would live on through them.

But as with any young couple, they’d thought they had all the time in the world. Clement was apprehensive about having children. He feared that he shared the same genetic traits that his father had possessed. No matter how many times Sandra had gently reminded him that he was nothing like his father, he still lived in fear of hurting those he loved the most.

She understood his fear. She knew how much he loved her. She also knew he’d die before ever hurting her or any children they had. But the darkness of his past still overshadowed his present. The past still haunted his dreams at night. Though Sophia his sister, hadn’t spoken of it often, she knew that Sophia had the same nightmares that Clement had. That she shared many of the same sleepless nights he experienced.

A wave of sadness overtook Sandra. Such a waste. Clement’s father had destroyed the lives of two innocent children. Worse, he lived on well into their adulthood, influencing their choices, always living in their fears even though he was dead. He still held them in his grasp from the grave, his memory and the memories of all he did torturing them still.

“Sandra?”

Derrick softly called her name, breaking through her thoughts, and she realized just how long she’d knelt there at the base of the monument, tracing the inscription with her fingers.

He sounded worried and a little uncertain, and he was never nothing if not sure of himself.

She turned, tilting her head up so her gaze connected with his.

“Give me a moment, please. Wait for me at the car if you don’t mind. I’ll only take a few minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”

Again, surprise flickered in Derrick’s eyes. Never before had she asked to be left alone at Clement’s grave. It had been too difficult, too emotional. Derrick had always remained at her side, steady and strong, her rock to lean on. He’d stayed with her as long as she wanted to remain and then he’d take her back to the car and back home, where he’d spend the rest of the afternoon sitting with her as she cried on his shoulder.

Not today. Not anymore.

“If you’re sure,” he said hesitantly.

She nodded firmly, making sure no tears threatened. She wasn’t going to unravel in front of him. She’d been doing that far too long.

“All right,” he conceded. “Take your time, honey. I’ve arranged to take the entire day off.”

She smiled. Of course he would have. But she didn’t intend for him to spend it with her as he’d done in the past. There was too much to get done before tonight. And she didn’t want to chance breaking her resolve and confiding in him. Not only was it not appropriate, but he would most certainly not approve. He’d think she’d lost her damn mind.

And maybe she had. Or perhaps she was just getting it back.

She turned back as Derrick headed toward the car and then pushed herself upward to stand over the grave. She stared down, her jaw tight, locking down her emotions for the conversation she intended to have with her husband.

“I love you, you know,” she said, almost as if he were standing there in front of her. “I’ll always love you, Clement. But I want you to know I’m going to move on. Try to move on,” she amended. “Starting tonight. I know there were . . . things . . . you couldn’t give me. And I want you to know I never resented you for that. God, I loved you far too much to ever expect you to give me something it was impossible for you to give.

“But you’re gone now.”

Her voice cracked as she said the last, and she swallowed back the surge of tears.

“I’m lonely, Clement. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. You were so good to me. The love of my life. I know I’ll never find that again. Finding perfection once in a lifetime is incredible. But twice? No, I know there’ll never be another for me like you. But there are things I . . . need,” she whispered. “Things you couldn’t give me. Things I’d never ask you for. And I wanted to come here today to tell you. To say that I wouldn’t be back. Not because I don’t love you or that I’m going to forget you. But this isn’t what I want my memory of you to be. I want to remember you in life. And us in love. And it’s too painful for me to come here and talk to you, knowing that I’ll never get you back.”

CHAPTER 2

She took a deep breath and forged ahead.

“I’ve found a place that specializes in . . . dominance. I need to know if it’s what I’m missing. If it’s always been what I’m missing. Maybe I’ll find the answer. Maybe I won’t. But I have to try. I have to know. And I couldn’t go without telling you. Without explaining that I never lacked for anything when we were married. I never doubted even for a moment that you loved me, and you would have given me the moon if I asked. But this . . . This I couldn’t ask you for. And right now I need something to fill the void. There’s a hole in my soul, Clement. One that I may never fill again. But right now I’d take even a bandage. Temporary solace, if you will. I just wanted you to know. I’ll be okay. I’m not going into a dangerous situation. I’ve made certain that I’ll be safe. And as painful as it is for me to say this, I’m finally letting you go. I’ve held on to you for too long now. I can’t do it anymore. Life is happening around me. Life goes on. That sounds so trite, doesn’t it? But it’s true. Karla and Ken worry for me. Sophia worries. And Derrick. God, I’m surprised he hasn’t washed his hands off me yet. I’ve been such a burden to him—to them all—these last three years and I don’t want to be that woman any longer.

“You gave me the confidence and independence to fly. I want that back again, Clement. You taught me so much. You gave me the world. The problem is when you left, you took my world with you. And I want it back again. I want to live and not be this hollow shell of myself that I’ve been since you died.”

She drew in a steadying breath, knowing what she said next was dumb. But she had to get it off her chest. Say it and then let go of the nagging emotion.

“I also want to tell you that I forgive you. I know that sounds so stupid. You don’t need my forgiveness. But I was so angry with you for so long for leaving me. I was so selfish. I’ve spent three years being angry and resentful, and starting today, I’m not going to be that person anymore.”

She let her hand drift down to glide across the sun-warmed marble of the headstone.

“I love you. I miss you. I’ll always love you. But good-bye, Clement. Wherever you are, I hope you’re at peace and I hope you know how very much I loved you. Thank you for loving me.”

She closed her eyes as tears gathered and she didn’t reopen them until she was certain she could return to the car where Derrick waited without looking like she’d fallen apart.

With one last glance at the grave and the flowers that had already lost a few petals to the wind, she turned, squared her shoulders and walked away. The wind picked up and the sun broke further through the clouds, shining down on her face. She turned her face upward, soaking in the warmth as peace enveloped her in its gentle embrace. It was as if Clement were sending her a message, or perhaps she only imagined him blessing her decision.

Derrick held the door open for her, his gaze fixed on her face as if he were trying to ascertain her mood. She was careful to keep herself from showing any outward emotion. Because what she would say next she was certain he would object to, and if he thought she was upset, he’d never leave her alone the rest of the day.

She waited until he was behind the wheel and they were driving away before she turned to him.

“I have lunch plans today, so you don’t have to stay with me. And I have plans for tonight as well,” she murmured, letting him make of that what he would.

Derrick’s brow furrowed, and he made no effort to hide his concern. He reached for her hand as they stopped at a light.

“What’s going on with you, honey?”

His tone was worried and his eyes were boring intently into hers.

She gave him a half smile. “I’m having lunch with Sophia and Karla. It’s time I stop with the grieving widow act every year on the same day. It’s been three years, Derrick. He’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

She halted a moment, the pain of her statement momentarily stealing her breath. But it had to be said. To be acknowledged. And perhaps saying it aloud made it that much more real.

She could swear she saw relief flash in his deep brown eyes, but it was gone so quickly she was sure she imagined it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over after you have lunch with the girls?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s not necessary, Derrick. You’ve babysat me for long enough. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet. I’m sure it has to come as a relief to you that you don’t have to hover over me for fear I’ll lose it. I’m just sorry I’ve been such a burden to you for so long.”

This time a glint of anger flashed in those dark eyes. “You’re not a burden, damn it. Clement was my best friend, Sandra. He—and you—mean a hell of a lot to me.”

She squeezed his hand as he accelerated after a car behind them honked angrily when Derrick didn’t immediately go when the light turned green.

“And I appreciate that. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. But it’s time, Derrick. I have to do this. He’s gone. I have to accept that.”

Derrick didn’t respond. He directed his gaze forward, tension thick in the interior of the car. Had she angered him? She’d only been honest, and she’d sincerely thought he would be glad that he no longer had to treat her like a fragile piece of glass. That he could resume his own life without making her a priority in his.

When they arrived back at her house, she got out, as did him. He walked her to the door and she went in, turning back to tell him thank you and good-bye.

“This isn’t good-bye,” he said tightly. “Just because you think you no longer need me doesn’t mean I’m going to just disappear. Prepare yourself for that, Sandra.”

With that, he spun on his heel and strode back down the sidewalk, leaving her staring open-mouthed as he drove away.

Sandra zipped into the parking lot of the Lux Café on Westheimer and parked her BMW roadster next to Sophia’s silver Mercedes coupe. The car had been a gift to Sophia from Clement on her twenty-first birthday, just one year before he’d been in the fatal car accident that had taken him from both his wife and his sister.

Clement and Sophia had gone to Las Vegas frequently. He loved to gamble and he’d taught Sophia how to play all manner of casino games. He’d even sharpened her poker skills enough that she’d become a formidable opponent at the tables. Clement had always chuckled when her winnings topped his own, though she refused to play at the same table as him because his competitive streak was such that he didn’t like to lose. Even to his wife.

Their favorite place to stay was the Venetian, where Sandra had discovered the Lux Café and all the wonderful food on the menu. She’d been delighted when one had opened in Houston, and it had quickly become a favorite place for them and their friends to eat.

She hurried to the entrance, checking her watch with a grimace. Clement had always teased her about her lack of punctuality, and she was fifteen minutes late for her lunch date with Sophia and Karla.

The two women were waiting inside when Sandra rushed in. Her gaze immediately settled on her sister-in-law. The anniversary of Clement’s death was as hard for her as it was for Sandra because Clement was her only family. Sandra had made the effort to make sure she and Sophia remained close after his passing. They’d clung to one another, both grief stricken over their loss.

Shadows were evident in Sophia’s eyes, but they brightened when she saw Sandra and immediately went to hug her.

“How are you?” Sophia whispered.

Sandra squeezed her and pulled away with a smile. “I’m okay.” And she meant it.

Then she turned to Karla and pulled her into a hug.

“You doing okay today?” Karla asked quietly.

“Let’s sit and then we’ll talk. I’m starving,” Sandra said with a grin.

The other two women looked delighted over Sandra’s mood. It shamed her that she’d been a burden not only to Derrick over the last three years but to her closest friends as well. But no more. Today . . . Well, today was the first day in reestablishing her life. Of getting back on track and filling the void left by the death of her husband.

They were seated in a spacious booth—Sandra hated the long rows of tables that were practically on top of one another. Even if her conversation was casual, she hated to be overheard by others. And today of all days, she wanted to be afforded complete privacy.

“You look . . . different,” Karla mused, as they opened their menus.

Sandra left hers closed because she knew what she wanted. The others made fun of her because with all the wonderful selections on the huge menu, she usually got the same exact thing and today was no different. Shaking Beef. Her absolute favorite thing the Lux Café served.

“I am different,” Sandra said in a low tone.

Sophia’s eyes widened. “What’s happened?”

“It’s not what has happened. It’s what’s going to happen,” Sandra said firmly.

“Uh-oh. Do we even want to hear this?” Karla asked.

Silence fell over the table when the waiter appeared to take their orders. Only after he’d departed did Sophia prompt Sandra to explain what she’d meant.

Sandra sighed and then glanced up at Karla. “I wanted to ask you . . . I mean I know this is a personal question, but you’ve talked about it before and if it’s too personal, feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I’d really like to ask you some questions about you and Ken.”

A dark shadow crossed over Karla’s face and sadness entered her eyes for a brief moment before she shook it away. But the look hadn’t gone unnoticed by either Sandra or Sophia, who exchanged quick puzzled looks.

“You know you can ask me anything,” Karla said lightly, though the lightness of her tone seemed forced to Sandra..

Deciding to try to figure out later what was behind that, Sandra plunged ahead.

“You’ve said that you and Ken have a dominant, submissive relationship. That he calls the shots in and out of bed. I just wanted to know . . . I mean this sounds stupid because of course you’re happy. Anyone who sees the two of you can see how in love you are, but I wanted to know more about how it works.”

Sophia paled and Sandra hated bringing up the subject in front of her, but she didn’t want to hide something this important from her sister-in-law. Not just a sister-in-law but her best friend. Sophia and Karla were her two best friends in the world. She couldn’t share this with them because it was huge. A monumental leap forward from the life she’d led the last three years.

“Sandra? Why are you asking?” Karla asked in a puzzled voice. One laced with concern.

Sandra took another deep breath and closed her eyes. She reached for Sophia’s hand because she knew this would be hard for her sister-in-law.

“You both know I loved Clement with all my heart. He gave me everything. But I’ve always had this . . . need. Craving. Desire. I don’t know what to call it. But I’ve always craved . . . dominance. And everything that goes with it. And it’s the one thing I knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t give me. I loved him too much to ever demand it of him. We spoke of it once. Early in our relationship. Before I knew about his childhood. He was always so afraid he’d turn out like his father. The idea of doing anything that might hurt me or that may be construed as abuse appalled him. And I think in the beginning he feared losing me because he couldn’t provide me with that kind of relationship.”

Sophia’s gaze had dropped, but Sandra could see the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Sandra tightened her hold on Sophia’s hand, lending her strength that she hadn’t had until now.

“And you want it now?” Karla asked, her brow furrowed.

“Slowly” Sandra nodded.

Sophia’s head came up, a protest already forming on her lips, but Sandra silenced her with another squeeze to her hand.

“I don’t want a relationship. I mean not a permanent one. I found perfection once. I know I’ll never find that kind of love again. But I need something to fill the void. A void that’s always existed, but while I was with Clement it wasn’t so aching. I wasn’t lonely. He provided me what I needed, even if a tiny part of me always wanted and needed more. I know that sounds terrible. I loved him with all my heart and soul, and I would have never done anything to hurt him. But he’s gone. I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard I wish it, he’s not coming back.”

Emotion knotted her throat and she blinked as hot moisture clouded her eyes. She wiped hastily at her cheeks, not wanting to make a scene in public. Sophia’s head lowered again, a tear sliding down her pale cheek.

“I’m lonely,” Sandra whispered. “And I need something, someone to fill that void that he left behind. It’s time for me to let go and try to move on. I’ve found a place . . .”

“What kind of place?” Karla asked bluntly.

“It’s called The House.”

Karla’s expression eased. “Yes, I know it. Ken and I have a membership there. He is friends with the owner, Damon Roche. Damon is married and has a child now, so he isn’t quite as active as he was before, but he still runs it.”

“He’s who I talked to,” Sandra admitted. “He vetted my membership. He was very kind to me. He wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into.”

“And do you?” Sophia blurted, lifting her head again. “Sandra, this is serious. What if you get hurt? What if you hook up with the wrong man? You know what kind of monsters exist out there. God knows, my father was one of them. How can you even think about going blindly into a situation like this?”

CHAPTER 3

“I’m not going blindly,” Sandra said gently. “It’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to. I’ve researched endlessly, which was what brought me to The House. I’ve toured the premises. I’ve been there during its busiest times. I know what to expect. And Damon has assured me that, especially for my first visit, I will be very carefully monitored.”

They were interrupted when the waiter brought their entrées, but food was the last thing on the women’s minds now. Their plates sat in front of them untouched as their conversation continued.

“I just wanted to know what it was like for you and Ken,” Sandra said softly.

Again, pain glittered in Karla’s green eyes. She pushed her dark hair behind her ear in an effort to disguise her hesitation, but Sandra didn’t miss it and she wondered what the hell was going on with her friend. She seemed . . . unhappy. And maybe it had been there for a while now, but Sandra had been so self-absorbed that she hadn’t paid attention to the people around her.

“Is there something you aren’t telling us, Karla?” Sandra demanded.

Karla looked at once guilty and then surprised. “No, of course not. And to answer your question, when it’s right, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. I never regretted giving Ken my complete submission. He always took such wonderful care of me. Cherished me. Protected me with his every breath. I was always his priority. And he was so demanding.”

Sandra frowned because every example had been said in the past tense.

“Is that not the case now?” Sandra asked.

Karla smiled brightly. Too brightly. “Of course it is. I was just saying. And well, perhaps it’s not as perfect as it used to be, but that’s to be expected. Ken has been so busy making his business a success, and when the newness wears off any relationship, it’s easy to fall into a routine. Don’t worry. We’re not divorcing or anything,” she said with a laugh.

But the forced gaiety bothered Sandra. She shoved aside her sense of foreboding to focus on the matter at hand.

“Again, if this is too personal a matter to discuss,” Sandra said. But Karla waved her off and motioned for her to continue. “What kinds of things do you and Ken do? I mean are you into bondage? Pain? Floggings? Or is it a simple matter of you obeying his commands and him calling the shots?”

Sophia looked as though she’d be ill, and she fiddled with her food as if she were trying to block out the conversation. Her face had grown pale, and Sandra began to have second thoughts about bringing this up in front of her. But she hadn’t wanted Sophia not to know. She owed her sister-in-law that much. To let her know she was going to at least try to move on and perhaps become involved, even if temporarily, with another man. It certainly wasn’t something she wanted Sophia to find out by chance. She wanted her to hear it from her.

“I think it’s a matter of what you want,” Karla said quietly. “Yes, we practice all of those things and much more. I am his to do with as he wishes. He knows how far he can go. We’ve been together long enough that he well knows my boundaries. Perhaps better than I know myself. But it’s important in the beginning that you’re very honest with your partner and that you set boundaries. He needs to know exactly what you are and aren’t comfortable with. And you’ll need a safe word until your relationship evolves enough that he knows just how far he can push.”

“I feel like a kid in a toy store,” Sandra said ruefully. “I want to try everything. At least once. I don’t know my boundaries. I won’t know until they’re crossed.”

“Then it’s even more important that you pick the right guy. One who understands that you’re new to the scene. That you want to experiment but that you reserve the right to pull the plug at any moment. And for God’s sake, Sandra don’t agree to go home with a guy until you know him very well. Stay at the club. Do all your experimenting there in a public facility where there’s plenty of security.”

Sandra nodded. She’d already considered that, and no way was she bringing a guy home. To the place she and Clement had lived and loved. It would be the height of disrespect to practice what would have appalled her husband under his own roof. And neither would she agree to go off with some stranger where God only knew what could happen once he had her alone and at his mercy.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t considered all the risks. She had! She’d visited The House more than once. She’d questioned Damon Roche endlessly, and the man had exhibited a huge amount of patience and understanding. But now she was having second thoughts listening to Karla’s warnings.

But no. She’d thought this through. It was all she’d thought about over the last months. And while moving forward with her new life on the three-year anniversary of her husband’s death may seem tacky, for her it was symbolic. She wasn’t backing out now.

She’d positively shivered when Karla had stated that she was her husband’s. That she belonged to him and he could do as he wished. Sandra wanted that. She craved it with a dark need she didn’t even fully understand. It wasn’t that she hadn’t belonged heart and soul to Clement. She had. She’d held no part of herself back from him.

But this need for dominance went deeper than just belonging. She wanted to be . . . owned. Cherished. Utterly adored. All the things her husband had given her but . . . more. She wanted to cross that gray line. Wanted to shatter her boundaries. She wanted to discover what they were and just how far she was willing and wanted to go. How would she know if she never tried?

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” Sophia asked quietly. “I can see it in your eyes, Sandra. I know that look. You’re actually going to do this.”

Sandra nodded, feeling a sense of relief at affirming it.

Karla reached across the table to catch Sandra’s other hand and squeezed it until she was holding on to both her friends’ hands.

“Then I wish you luck,” Karla said.

“Hey, don’t you have to go?” Sandra asked, suddenly remembering that Karla had mentioned several days earlier that she and Ken were spending the afternoon together. “Isn’t Ken expecting you? I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to ask you those questions.”

Again that barely discernible flicker in Karla’s eyes before she dropped her gaze and her hold on Sandra’s hand.

“No,” Karla said lightly. “He had to cancel. An important matter came up at work.”

Sandra grimaced. “Sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. Unfortunately, I do have to run. I need time to prepare for tonight. Though I’ve made up my mind about it, I’m still nervous enough to need time to get ready and talk myself into going through with it.”

Karla smiled. “I’ll expect a report first thing tomorrow, and if I don’t get it, I’m coming over. And if you aren’t home, I’m calling the police!”

Sandra smiled. “Of course I will.”

She rose after placing several bills on the table to cover lunch. Sophia stood too.

“I’ll walk you out,” Sophia said.

Karla shot Sandra a raised brow look and then glanced pointedly at Sophia. Sandra sighed. She knew what was coming. With a wave to Karla, Sandra walked out of the restaurant, Sophia at her side.

When they got to the cars, Sophia put a hand out to Sandra’s arm.

“Sandra, have you really thought this through?” she asked in a pleading tone. “I’m really worried about you. This isn’t like you at all. What would Clement think? Sandra, he’d die if he knew!”

“Sophia, Clement is dead,” Sandra said gently. “We can’t bring him back. God, if I could, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d forget everything about my wants or needs if I could have him back. But he’s gone.”

Tears clogged her throat. Tears she’d refused to allow herself to shed today. She’d been determined that this year would be different. That she wouldn’t spend the anniversary of her husband’s death listless and grieving.

Sophia’s eyes were grief stricken. Tears welled up and slid soundlessly down her cheeks. “I miss him so much, Sandra. He was my only family. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

Sandra enfolded her in a hug, holding her tightly as Sophia’s shoulders shook. “You’re wrong. You have family. You have me. I’m not going anywhere. This doesn’t change things between us. I swear it. But Sophia, I have to pick up and move on with my life. This is killing me. My grief has been slowly killing me, and Clement would hate that. He’d never want me to spend the rest of my life mourning him. He’d be the first person to want me to be happy even if it wasn’t with him.”

Sophia pulled away, wiping hastily at her tears. “I know that. I do. And I want you to be happy, Sandra. But does it have to be this way? You don’t understand what it’s like to be at the mercy of the wrong man. You can’t possibly want to put yourself in a position where you’re helpless under a man’s power. He could hurt you. Abuse you. Believe me, you don’t want that. You could never understand how degrading and powerless that feeling is and I do. And I don’t want that for you. Clement would never want that for you.”

Sandra gently wiped away the rest of Sophia’s tears. “Not all men are like that, Sophia. I know your concerns. I’m not negating what you and Clement went through. I’d never allow that for myself. And look at Karla and Ken. You know what kind of relationship they have. Do you honestly believe Ken would ever harm a hair on her head? He loves her. He adores her. He absolutely respects the gift of her submission. And that’s what I want.”

“But he is hurting her,” Sophia said fiercely. “You had to have seen what I saw today. What we’ve seen for the last while. She’s not happy, Sandra, and I’m worried about her. What if he’s abusing her?”

Sandra blinked, utterly shocked by Sophia’s assertion. Yes, she’d noticed that Karla wasn’t her usual cheerful, sunny self. She’d sensed that something was off about her best friend, but never had she entertained, even for a moment, that Ken was hurting her physically.

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on with Karla and Ken,” Sandra said carefully. “But I do know that there is no way he’s abusing her. Karla would never stand for it. She’s too strong and independent, despite the fact that she gave Ken her submission. Not to mention she’d tell us if he was hurting her. We’re too close of friends. We’d know, Sophia. We’d know.”

“No one ever knew the hell that Clement and I endured,” Sophia said painfully. “We hid it from the world. Our father appeared to others as a doting parent incapable of ever doing us harm. But behind closed doors he was a terrible man.”

“Please don’t worry about me,” Sandra said. “And don’t worry about Karla. I’ll talk to her if it makes you feel better. I know Ken. We all know him. We’ve all been friends for years. There is no way he is abusing her And sweetie, I know you’re not happy with my choice. I don’t expect you to accept it, but I’d like for you to respect it at least.”

“I love you,” Sophia said brokenly. “And I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to steer you away from the path you seem so determined to take. But if this is really what you want, if it’s what you need and it will make you happy, then I’ll try to respect your choices. I just don’t want to lose you too.”

Sandra hugged her again. “You’re not going to lose me. You’re my sister and my best friend. Clement was not my only tie to you and now that he’s gone it doesn’t mean that our tie is severed. You’re my family, Sophia. I love you.”

Sophia pulled away, a watery smile quivering on her lips. “I’ll expect a report tomorrow just like Karla. I won’t sleep tonight for worrying about you. I just hope you know what it is you’re getting into.”

“So do I,” Sandra murmured. “So do I.”

Derrick parked his car outside The House and sat for a moment, wondering again why he was here tonight. Normally on the anniversary of Clement’s death, he would spend the day—and evening—with Sandra. Not that he didn’t spend plenty of other days with her, but for the first two anniversaries of Clement’s passing, he’d spent the entire day with her. Holding her. Comforting her. Supporting her.

And it was his own personal hell.

It felt wrong to be in love with his best friend’s wife. He’d lived with guilt for the entirety of Clement’s marriage to Sandra. Clement had known. He’d guessed, though Derrick had done his best never to allow his feelings to show. But his best friend was perceptive. He knew him better than anyone else ever had. They weren’t just business partners. They were as close as brothers, though Derrick hadn’t existed in the hell that Clement and Sophia had endured growing up.

No, Derrick’s family was the complete antithesis of Clement’s. If you could call the piece-of-shit bastard who’d fathered Clement's family. Derrick’s parents were still as solidly in love now as they were forty years ago when they’d married. Derrick was one of five siblings, the middle child. Two older brothers. Two younger sisters who were spoiled and protected by their older brothers.

Clement had been befuddled by Derrick’s close-knit family from the moment he’d first met them. He hadn’t known how to react to a normal, well-adjusted family setting. But Derrick’s family had embraced Clement—and Sandra, when Clement had married her. And even Sophia, though she was more reserved and more wary of his large family than Clement was.

CHAPTER 4

Derrick sighed again and got out, walking to the entrance of The House. He wasn’t even interested in any action tonight, but he was restless and on edge. Sandra had occupied his thoughts the entire day. Ever since he’d taken her to the cemetery and had seen the difference in her.

He didn’t know what to make of the abrupt change. She’d walked out of her house in jeans and a T-shirt, looking so young and beautiful that it still made his chest ache to remember the image of her.

And then she’d asked to be left alone at the grave and she’d stayed there, her lips moving as she’d spoken to Clement for a long while. When she’d returned, there was a marked difference in her demeanor. And then that spiel about not needing him. Apologizing to him, for fuck’s sake. Apologizing for being a goddamn burden. For taking up too much of his life and time. Hell, she didn’t even realize she was his life. Or at least he hoped she would be.

He checked in with the man working the door and wandered through the lower levels. The social rooms. The places where people met up, drank good wine, mingled before moving upstairs to the common room or one of the private suites.

There were plenty of beautiful women and no shortage of interested looks thrown his way. It had been a while since he’d come here to work off some steam. Usually after he’d spent time with Sandra, pretending the woman he was with was her. It made him a bastard, but he made certain the woman he was with was taken care of. She had no way of knowing that she was a poor substitute for the one woman he couldn’t have.

Was she finally moving on? She’d talked the talk during the car ride home. She’d been blunt, painfully so, and it had cost her. He’d seen the obvious emotion in her eyes when she’d said that Clement was gone and he wasn’t coming back and she had to move on and accept that. But did she mean it?

He was afraid to hope. And he was afraid of making the wrong move. He couldn’t afford to spoil it all up by pushing her too soon. She viewed him as a friend. She viewed herself as a burden to him. Someone he’d babysat through her grief. Never even realizing that he lived for the moments when he was with her.

Clement had known that his best friend was in love with his wife. He’d known and accepted it. Derrick had been afraid that it would ruin not only their friendship, but their business partnership as well. But Clement had understood. He trusted Derrick never to act on that attraction. And he’d also exacted a promise from him that were anything ever to happen to Clement, Derrick would be there for his wife.

Hell of a note when his best friend entrusted his wife to his care if something happened to him.

Worse was the fact that Clement had exacted that promise mere weeks before he’d been killed in an accident. Almost as if he knew. Had he sensed that something would happen and that his wife would be left a young widow?

At the time, Derrick had brushed off the very serious pledge that Clement had confronted him with.

If anything ever happens to me, man, I want you to promise me. Promise me that you’ll be there for Sandra. I know you love her. If there ever comes a day that I can’t be there for her, I want you to promise me that you’ll take care of her and love her like I do.

The words echoed through his mind. Prophetic? Or just coincidence?

At the time, the promise had just been a painful reminder of all that Clement had and all that Derrick didn’t. Sandra was . . . She was beautiful. Not just physically. She could light up a room by simply walking in. She had a gentle smile that could charm even the hardest heart. And she’d never so much as looked in the direction of another man after she’d met Clement. God knows, there’d been no shortage of men only too willing to seduce another man’s wife. But Sandra acted as though she had no clue of her effect on men. And that made her all the more desirable to Derrick.

After making a quick round of the social rooms, he picked up a glass of wine—Damon Roche served only the best—and headed up the stairs to the common room.

There was the usual eclectic mix of sexcapades occurring in the large, open room. Though there were no actual partitions, the room was sectioned off simply by the participants taking their own spaces for their activities.

A mixture of sounds and smells greeted him as he walked farther into the room. The slap of flesh on flesh. The smack of a whip or a flogger. The sighs, moans and cries of ecstasy. Some of pain. Some of pleasure. The air was thick with the scent of intimacy.

He crossed the room, taking in the occupants, wanting to ensure that Ken and Karla weren’t present tonight. Not that he was a prude by any stretch, but seeing his other best friends getting intimate wasn’t high on his list of priorities. Though he shouldn’t have worried because he hadn’t seen them at The House in months. The few times in the past he had seen them, he’d cut short his own visit, because he would never do anything to make Karla uncomfortable.

She was a very special woman, and Ken was lucky to have such perfection. Submissive. Beautiful. Gifting him with her absolute trust. There was not a more precious gift than a woman who gave her submission to a man.

It was what he wanted for himself, what he’d always sought out in any relationship he’d formed. But for Sandra, he’d deny that part of himself if it was the only way he had a chance at having her. Knowing Clement’s background, Derrick knew with certainty that Clement and Sandra had never delved into that lifestyle.

But then he’d never gone beyond casual intimacy after Sandra. Once she’d come into Clement’s life, a whirlwind, there hadn’t been another woman for Derrick. He sated his needs, made certain his partner’s were met as well and then he moved on, never willing to commit, even though he’d known that Sandra was unattainable. Only now that wasn’t true. She was free. But could she ever love another man as she’d loved Clement?

That was the question of the day. And could Derrick be content with only a part of her heart?

He nodded before he could stop himself. Yes, he’d take any part of her he could get. The question was, when did he make his move?

Today had given him the first ray of hope in three years that Sandra was ready to move past her grief and live her life again. He’d been patient. He’d been whatever she needed him to be. But he wanted to be so much more.

He retreated to the corner of the room, politely declining with a gentle smile a woman who offered to service him. Another night he may have let her, close his eyes and imagine Sandra under his firm but tender grasp. But tonight his thoughts were consumed with Sandra and he couldn’t muster the heart to pretend as he’d done so many other times.

His family thought him a fool for not moving beyond his feelings for Sandra a long time ago. They’d eyed him with sympathy for the last three years. His brothers had even asked him when he was going to act. But he’d known it wasn’t time. Not then. But now?

He couldn’t help the petal of hope that unfurled when he’d been with Sandra earlier today. He’d seen the difference in her eyes and in her demeanor. But then that unnecessary apology for being a burden, and she’d acted as though she were finished being that burden to him.

To hell with that. If she thought he was just going to step aside, she was very wrong.

He stood watching with waning enthusiasm, not even sure what had driven him here tonight. What he wanted was to be with Sandra. Watching a movie and trying to get her mind off her grief, which is what he’d done the last two anniversaries—and plenty of times in between. The day hadn’t gone at all as he’d expected. He’d cleared his calendar, made certain his clients were covered so that he could spend the day with her.

He hadn’t expected her to all but dismiss him after their trip to the cemetery.

His gaze was drawn to the entryway where a couple entered, and he did an immediate double take.

What?

He stared, unable to believe what he was seeing. Sandra had just walked through the doorway, a man he knew from The House at her side, his arm wrapped intimately around her waist, his hand splayed very possessively over her hip, leaving no question of his . . . ownership. Or impending ownership?

She was dressed in a killer black sheath that hugged and outlined every single one of her perfect curves. And she wore a pair of tempting shoes that just begged for a man to get intimate with her. Hit her in those heels until she screamed his name over and over.

Her hair was upswept, a few tendrils floating lazily down her slender neck, drawing attention to the delicateness of her features.

And she looked scared to death.

Derrick was striding across the room before he even realized what he was doing. For that matter, what was she doing? Here! In a goddamn establishment devoted to all manner of immorality.

And the man she was with was a regular at The House. He had a string of submissives, and rarely was he with the same woman twice in a row. And yet here he was with his arm wrapped very possessively around Sandra, lust evident in his eyes.

What on earth did she think she was doing?

He was just a few feet away when Sandra lifted her shocked gaze to his, her mouth falling open in surprise just as mortification seized her features. Panic flickered in her eyes and she took a step away from the man at her side.

The man, Craig, was quick to pull her back, and that infuriated Derrick all the more. He reached for Sandra’s arm, swiftly pulling her into the safety of his side.

“What?” Craig demanded, reaching for Sandra’s other hand.

Derrick immediately inserted himself between Sandra and Craig, shielding her with his body.

“Get away from her,” Derrick barked. “Now.”

Craig’s eyebrows shot up and he stared for a moment before finally putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender. Not typical for a man like Craig. A Dominant who didn’t yield to anyone. But then Derrick was convinced he likely looked like a crazy person about to explode, judging by the wariness in Craig’s gaze. And Craig wouldn’t be wrong about that assumption. Derrick was precariously close to losing his tenuous hold on his control.

“I’ll just go find other company for the evening,” Craig murmured.

“You do that,” Derrick said behind clenched teeth. “And don’t ever make the mistake of coming near her again or I’ll take you apart. We clear?”

“Yeah, man, I got it.”

Craig gave Derrick—and Sandra—a wide berth before continuing into the room.

Derrick turned to see Sandra’s pale, shocked face and swore under his breath. He grabbed her hand and hauled her into the hallway. She still hadn’t uttered a word. Her face was stricken, and she looked so humiliated that Derrick wanted to put his fist through the wall. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass her, but for God's sake. What was he supposed to do when she showed up looking like a woman a man would die to possess? A woman he was dying to possess.

He ushered her down the stairs and down the hallway to the exit as fast as he could without making her trip in those spikes disguised as shoes. He was tempted to throw her over his shoulder and barrel out like a caveman. He managed to temper that particular urge. Barely.

As soon as he had her outside, he turned to her, trying to curb the anger that coiled through his veins.

“Where’s your car?” he clipped out.

“I d-didn’t drive,” she stammered out. “I took a cab.”

Jesus. That was worse. Had she not expected to go home alone tonight? Was she planning to sleep over with whatever guy she hooked up with here? But then how did he know if this was even her first time? For all he knew she could be a regular and maybe she and Craig had hooked up before. Derrick certainly hadn’t been in enough recently to be caught up on the goings-on at the club.

He herded her over to his car and opened the passenger door, ushering her inside.

“Derrick?”

The one word, laced with fear and uncertainty, cut him to the core. Damn it, the last thing he wanted was for her to be afraid of him. He had to calm down before he lost his damn mind. And destroyed any chance he had with her.

“I’m taking you home,” he said in a more gentle tone.

He walked around to the driver’s side and slid in, starting the engine and backing out almost before he had his door closed. He roared down the winding drive that led up to the house and waited impatiently for the gate to open to allow him to exit.

As he accelerated down the highway, he felt Sandra’s nervous gaze flicker toward him. Saw her bite the bottom of her lip as she obviously struggled with what she wanted to say.

He reached for her hand, squeezing it in a reassuring manner.

“We’ll talk when we get home,” he said, his voice a command, one that he hadn’t used with her before.

But it worked. She immediately closed her mouth, though her bottom lip was still between her teeth as she nibbled nervously. Mortification still gripped her features, and it made him ache to know she was suffering. Embarrassed. Likely thinking he was going to tear a strip off her hide. And maybe he was. He wasn’t at all sure what he was going to say to her yet.

They drove the rest of the way in tense silence, her hand firmly trapped in his. He could feel her trembling and it slayed him that she feared him. He’d nip that in the bud just as soon as he got to the bottom of this.

She looked surprised when he pulled into his neighborhood, which was just a few miles from her own subdivision. She turned to look at him, a clear question in her eyes.

“We’ll talk here,” he said shortly as he pulled into his drive.

She went silent again, her head bowed as she stared at her lap. Undone by her defeated demeanor, he reached over and gently cupped her chin, nudging until she was forced to look up at him.

“It’ll be okay, honey. Now come inside so we can talk.”

She nodded and he got out quickly, walking around to collect her from the car. He led her inside his house, satisfaction gripping him that she was in his space. Finally.

CHAPTER 5

Though they’d spent plenty of time together over the last years, it had always been in a neutral location. Or her own home, the one she’d shared with Clement. The last time she’d been in his house was when Clement was still alive, and the couple had been frequent visitors back then.

He curled his arm around Sandra’s waist as he ushered her through the foyer and into the living room. She stiffened but made no move to distance herself from him. She was too busy looking like she was waiting for the anvil to drop from the sky on her head.

When they entered the living room, he loosened his hold and took a step away, dragging a hand raggedly through his hair. Then he turned, not sure how exactly to pose the questions burning his tongue. He only knew one way. Blunt.

“What on earth were you doing in The House tonight, Sandra?” he demanded.

She flinched at the fury in his tone and her eyes became shadowed.

“You have no idea what you’re getting into by being there,” he continued. “No idea at all. Do you have any clue what could happen to you? What Craig would have done to you? Let me tell you. He would have had you bent over while he flogged your pretty backside and then he would have hit you without mercy, uncaring of your pleasure. It would have been all about his own. He would have taken you and used you and wouldn’t have given a damn about you or your pleasure. What were you thinking?”

She wet her lips, her eyes going glossy with tears. The last thing he wanted was to make her cry when she’d made it the entire day, or at least the time she’d spent with him, without shedding a single tear.

“I do understand, Derrick,” she said quietly. “I understand far more than you think.”

His brow furrowed. “Have you been going to The House before tonight?”

She shook her head. “No. This was my first night.”

“Jesus Christ, Sandra? Do you have any idea what might have happened to you if I hadn’t been there? There is no way I’m allowing you to go back to that place. You don’t belong there.”

Her lips quivered and then she seemed to mentally shake herself. She steeled her features and leveled a firm stare at him.

“I know exactly what I was doing. You don’t understand, Derrick. You’d never understand.”

“Try me,” he challenged.

She stared at him a long moment, her eyes uncertain, almost as if she were trying to decide whether to trust him. He was on edge, because damn it, he wanted her to be able to come to him for anything. Anything at all. And he wanted her trust.

Then she closed her eyes and sank onto the couch, sitting forward, her face buried in her hands. Her shoulders shook and it was all he could do not to go to her. Not to comfort and hold her and tell her everything would be all right. But he waited. Because whatever she had to tell him he sensed was huge. And that it would forever change the way he looked at her. At any possibility of them being together.

She lifted her head, her eyes swimming in tears. “I loved Clement with all my heart and soul. He was my soul mate. I know that. And I know I’ll never find that kind of love again.”

Derrick’s breath caught and held because that wasn’t something he wanted to hear. That she’d resigned herself to a loveless existence because she didn’t think another man would ever love her as Clement had. When in fact, he was that man. He already loved her—had loved her forever—and given the opportunity, he’d show her that she damn well could find another man who’d give her his everything.

“Clement gave me everything I could ever possibly want or ask for. Except . . .”

She broke off and looked down again, her shoulders sagging in defeat.

“Except what, Sandra?” Derrick asked softly, puzzled by her statement. He knew damn well Clement would have given her the moon. Anything that was in his power to provide her, he would have done absolutely.

“Dominance,” Sandra whispered.

Derrick’s nape prickled and a curl of . . . hope? quivered through his veins. His pulse raced and he had to calm himself and clarify that he’d heard her correctly. Because there was a whole lot he didn’t understand.

“Dominance?”

She nodded. Then she looked up at him, misery clouding her beautiful eyes. “You know how he grew up. What he endured. How he and Sophia were horribly treated. In the beginning, when we first met, we talked about my . . . need. What I thought I needed and wanted. And he wouldn’t—couldn’t—bring himself to do anything that could possibly be construed as mistreatment. He worried constantly that somehow he would inherit his father’s abusive nature, that it was somehow genetic, and he’d die before ever doing anything to hurt me. As if he would! It was why he was reluctant to have children. He wanted them. God, he wanted them and so did I. It’s my biggest regret that I didn’t have his child, a part of him to live on now that I’ve lost him. But he was so terrified that he’d abuse his own children.”

The last part came out in a sob and Derrick could no longer keep his distance. He crossed the room, sat on the couch next to her and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest as he ran his hands through her hair.

“Clement would never hurt you or his children,” Derrick said with absolute confidence.

Sandra pulled away, her tear-filled eyes gutting Derrick. “I know that. You know that. But he didn’t. And I couldn’t convince him of that. His father messed him up, Derrick. Him and Sophia both. They never recovered from all he had done to them and it affected them well into their adult life. It still affects Sophia. When I told her what I planned to do, she freaked.”

“I’d like to hear what it was you planned as well, Sandra,” Derrick prompted gently. “What was tonight all about?”

She turned away, clenching her fingers into tight fists. “I know you think I don’t have a clue what I was getting into, Derrick, but I’m not stupid. I didn’t just up and decide to go to The House. It’s something I’ve thought about and researched for months. I talked with Damon Roche a lot. He wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into and that I wasn’t making a hasty, emotional decision.”

Well, thank God for that. Damon was a solid guy. He may run an establishment that catered to every conceivable kink or fetish, but he took it very seriously and he vetted his members very carefully.

“But it’s like I told you today, Derrick. Clement is gone. He’s not coming back. And I have to pick up and move on. I can’t mourn him the rest of my life. I need . . . I want . . .”

She faltered and Derrick simply waited for her to collect her thoughts because this was huge. He was learning a side to Sandra he never suspected existed. How could he have?

“I have to know if what I think I want and need is true. I have this need inside me, Derrick. It’s an ache, a hole in my soul that’s even larger now that Clement is gone. I loved him too much to ever ask or demand that he give me something he wasn’t capable of. And it sounds like I was unhappy. God, I wasn’t! I loved him, Derrick. I loved him with all my heart and I don’t regret a single thing about our marriage.”

“I know, honey. I know,” Derrick murmured.

“But that need has always been inside me and I can’t even explain it to myself, so how can I make you understand that this isn’t a game? It isn’t me being irrational and looking to fill a void left by Clement’s death. It’s always been there. Always.”

“Try me,” Derrick said simply. “Tell me what it is you want. What you need. I’ll listen, Sandra. And I won’t judge you. I’ll just listen and we can talk about it.”

Relief shone in her eyes. Had she expected condemnation? Had she expected him to accuse her of being disloyal to Clement or his memory?

“I want to be . . . owned.” A shiver stole over her body, one he could feel even with the short space that separated them now. “I want what Ken and Karla have. I want a man to possess me, to own me. I want to submit to him and I want him to take care of me. Protect me. God, it makes me sound like some helpless, dependent twit. But that’s not it. Clement taught me to stand on my own two feet. To be independent. It’s not that I have to have this in order to survive. It’s what I want. My choice.”

Derrick put his finger over her lips to silence her. “Shhh, honey. You don’t have to defend your choices to me. I’m here to listen. Don’t defend. Just tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

His heart was about to beat out of his chest. Had fate been kind to him after all? Had a gift he’d never dreamed of receiving suddenly dropped into his lap? Had Clement known—of course he’d known. He knew of Derrick’s preferences. That he was dominant and that he desired submissiveness in a woman. Now the promise that Clement had exacted from him made so much more sense. Clement had known his wife wanted something he himself could never provide her, and he wanted to make sure that if something happened to him that Derrick would step in and give her what Clement had never been able to. God, the sheer selflessness that such a gesture entailed was mind-boggling. He’d been granting his blessing. Jesus.

“This isn’t a decision I made lightly, Derrick. I was okay with it. Until I saw you tonight. I was so mortified. And I felt guilty, because seeing you there made me feel as though I were betraying Clement. I didn’t want you to know. Karla and Sophia knew. I told them. They’re worried about me, but they also know I took all the necessary precautions before just showing up at The House tonight. And I was ready. Or at least I thought I was. But then you were there.”

Her brow suddenly furrowed as if it had just occurred to her that Derrick had been there. He could see the question in her eyes before she ever voiced it.

“What were you doing there, Derrick?”

For a moment he brushed aside her question because there were so many other more important things to discuss. It was all he could do to hold himself back. To temper the urge to brand her. To move in, take her and give her everything she said she wanted—needed.

“I need to know something from you first. I need to know how serious you are about this. I need to know if this is truly what you want and what you need and that it’s not just an experiment or you looking to fill a void.”

“I can’t be any more serious,” she said in a resolved tone that convinced him she was indeed that.

He leaned forward, his breath mingling with hers, their lips so close he could feel the warmth from the inviting bow. Just a fraction of an inch and he would be kissing her.

“I was there because that’s who and what I am, Sandra,” he said, taking in her response, watching every flicker that crossed her eyes. “It’s always been what I am. And let me tell you this right now. If this is what you want. If this is what you need. Then I’m going to be the only damn man you offer your submission to.”

She drew in her breath and held it until she was light-headed and precariously close to toppling over. His lips were so close that she could feel the harsh exhalation of his breath. She could see the determined glitter in his eyes. And for the first time, she became aware of him as something more than a friend. Her husband’s friend. Someone she’d turned to for support many times over the years.

She couldn’t even process his heated declaration, but she knew he was utterly serious. There was a glint in his eyes, a firm set to his jaw. She could see the pulse thudding at his neck and she could smell every part of him, his scent wafting tantalizingly through her nostrils.

Derrick dominant? Not that she had any difficulty in believing that of him. He was a man well accustomed to getting his way. He had a quiet authority about him. He didn’t need to be loud to get his point across. She’d been present too many times when he’d spoken and everyone had immediately quieted, listening to what he had to say.

He wasn’t someone who shouted orders. He didn’t need to. There was an intensity to him that made people aware of the power emanating from him. She hadn’t been blind to it, nor was she immune. As she’d pondered just earlier that day, in the beginning he’d intimidated her. She’d felt his concern and disapproval over how fast her relationship had progressed with Clement. But once he’d become convinced that she was the right woman for his best friend, his loyalty to her was sealed.

But his words still rang in her ears. That brusque vow. She shivered under the intensity of his gaze, those dark eyes eating her up, exposing her, making her feel vulnerable.

“I d-don’t understand,” she said helplessly, her hand lifting and then fluttering downward again as she tried to make sense of the entire evening.

And then his next words tilted her universe even further off its axis.

“I’ve waited a long damn time for you, Sandra. I thought I’d never have you, and I was okay with that because you made Clement happy and I know he made you happy. But as you said, he’s gone now, and I’ve waited. For what seems like an eternity I’ve waited for the right moment. For when you were ready. Maybe I waited too long, or perhaps now is the perfect time. But if you think I’m going to stand by and allow another man to touch what I consider mine, you’re very mistaken.”

She shook her head, overwhelmed by it all. He spoke as if he wanted her. Had wanted her for a long time. But no. That wasn’t possible. He’d never betray his best friend. Had Derrick developed feelings for her after Clement’s death? Was he simply stepping in for his best friend, wanting to take care of Clement’s widow?

She didn’t want to be an obligation to Derrick. She’d been one for far too long. Today had been about letting go. Not only of Clement but of her dependence on Derrick.

CHAPTER 6

What flabbergasted her more was that Derrick was everything she’d said she wanted, if she was to believe his impassioned statement. Dominant. He liked submissive women. And he wanted to introduce her to the lifestyle. He wanted to possess—to own—her.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said honestly. “I never imagined. I didn’t realize . . .”

“No, I suppose you didn’t,” Derrick murmured. “It’s not something I could just come out and say. But Sandra, you’ve made the first move. Now it’s my turn to make all the others. You’ve laid out what you want. What you need. What you desire. And I’m going to be the man who gives you those things.”

She stared back at him, still utterly overwhelmed by the day, the moment, this. How had so much changed so quickly? Then she shook her head in automatic denial even though a part of her, the part that had gone for so long unfulfilled, screamed at her that this was it. This was what she’d been looking for. But him?

No, they were just friends. He had been her husband’s best friend. How would it look to others? How would her friends, his family, Sophia take the shift from them being friends to becoming lovers? More than lovers. Much more. She couldn’t even fathom just how much more this kind of relationship he proposed entailed. It wouldn’t be a one-night stand. Two people hooking up in the heat of the moment. What Derrick proposed was . . . permanent?

“Stop overanalyzing this, Sandra,” Derrick said in a patient tone. But his jaw was still tight. His eyes still glittered with unshakable resolve. God, was he serious? How could she even question that when every single part of him screamed of his absolute certainty?

And Derrick was not impulsive or remotely flighty. That wasn’t who or what he was. She’d known him long enough to know that his every movement, whether in business or in his personal life, was carefully thought out. But the idea that he’d obviously given them such careful consideration blew her mind.

“But Derrick. We can’t.”

She said it emphatically even as she questioned why they couldn’t. But of course they couldn’t, could they? There was more than just him and her to consider. There were their friends. Sophia. His family. It was all making her head ache with the speed at which her world had been irrevocably altered. She hadn’t experienced such a tailspin since the day she’d learned her husband was gone.

“Why not?” he asked simply, calmly. As if he hadn’t just upended her carefully ordered existence.

Well, but that would be a lie. Her world had been upended on the day Clement had died, and it had never been set to rights. Until now? Was this what she needed to get her life back? To reclaim herself? Was Derrick what she needed or would any man do? Even as she thought it, she knew it wasn’t so. She wouldn’t feel this way—this uncertain—with another man because it wouldn’t be personal. She wouldn’t have feelings she couldn’t sort out for another man.

“What does this mean, Derrick? I don’t understand any of it. You said you’ve waited. What are we talking here? How long have you waited? You act as though you want me—have wanted me. But I had no idea. How could I have? You are—were—my husband’s best friend.”

“Be careful of what you ask, Sandra,” Derrick warned. “You may not be prepared for the answer.”

She blinked, not knowing what to make of that particular statement. Was she blind? Was she a complete idiot for not seeing this before? She mentally went back over all the times Derrick had been with her over the last years. But all she saw was unwavering support. Emotional support. All the times he’d picked up the pieces when she was certain that she’d fallen apart.

But he’d kept her strong. Pushed her when she hadn’t always wanted to be pushed, but he’d never taken her anger or rage personally. It was a wonder he hadn’t walked away from her a long time ago. But if what he suggested was true . . .

Oh dear God. What was she supposed to do? What she wanted was being placed squarely in her lap. But Derrick?

She looked up at him again, this time without the blinders. Without the knowledge that he was untouchable, a friend. Her husband’s best friend. Someone she could never even look at with anything more than the bonds of friendship.

And what she saw took her breath away.

This was a living, breathing, gorgeous specimen of alpha male. The promise of dominance and a whole lot more shone in his dark eyes. She shivered as she took in the way he looked at her. Had he always looked at her as he was looking now? Had she been completely oblivious to the strong current of attraction that arced between them as strongly as any electrical surge?

Her gaze wandered over his face, down his body, took in the broad set of his shoulders, his muscled chest, even the thickness of his muscular thighs. Not an inch of spare flesh to be found on his body.

Then heat consumed her cheeks and she looked away, embarrassed to be caught checking him out in such an obvious manner.

But he wasn’t bothered. Indeed, he looked . . . pleased.

“That’s it, Sandra. See me,” he breathed out. “Finally. See me. Who I am. What I am. And that I want you with my every breath.”

“How long?” she whispered, remembering his admonishment that perhaps she wouldn’t want the answer to her question. But now she had to know. She had to know how long he’d gone unnoticed by her.

“Forever?” he said with a casual shrug. He tried to play it off lightly, but she could see the shadows that suddenly entered his eyes. The . . . pain. And the longing. Oh dear God. It couldn’t be true. It simply couldn’t.

“Forever?” she croaked out. “You mean before . . . When Clement and I were together?”

He gave a clipped nod and all the wind left Sandra in a sudden whoosh, leaving her sagging on the couch. He made a sudden grab for her, steadying her before she could topple sideways.

“I didn’t know,” she murmured faintly.

“Of course not. I didn’t want you to know,” he bit out. “I wouldn’t have laid that on you, Sandra. What could you have done? You were in love with another man. Married to another man. My best friend. You knowing would have solved nothing and would have put a strain on our relationship. On the three of us.”

She raised her gaze to him, haunted, she was sure, because what she had to ask next . . .

“And Clement?” she whispered. “Did he know?”

Derrick hesitated only a moment, as if he were deciding just how blunt to be with her. Then he gave a quick shake of his head, almost as if he were deciding that she should have it all. That maybe he thought she was finally ready to hear what she’d been ignorant of for so long.

“He knew,” Derrick said grimly.

“Oh my God,” Sandra said shakily. “He knew? And you were friends? Derrick, I don’t understand any of this!”

Derrick sighed and then gently pulled her forward until she was nestled into his chest. He laid her head against his shoulder and pecked the top of her hair as one hand glided downward, separating and stroking the tresses that had now tumbled down from the clip that had secured them earlier.

There was so much more in his embrace than the comfort he’d offered for the last three years. She knew it now, but hadn’t known it then. Her entire body was on high alert. Her pulse raced and thudded in her veins. Her mammary glands tingled and the tip beaded and tightened against the dress. She hadn’t worn a bra and she knew that Derrick could feel the imprint of her nips through their clothing.

“Clement understood,” Derrick said in a low voice. “And yes, we were friends and we remained friends because he knew I would never betray him and he knew you would never betray him. He knew that I would never act on my attraction. But yes, he knew. And I think it gave him a measure of comfort to know that if anything ever happened to him I’d step in. That I’d be here and that I’d give you everything you could possibly want or need.”

She pushed off his chest to look him in the eye. “But Derrick, that had to have been . . .”

She trailed off, seeing the fire in his eyes. As if he’d suppressed his need and want for so long and now it was unleashed, vibrant and blazing in his eyes.

“It was hell,” Derrick quietly confirmed. “It was heaven and it was hell. Heaven when I got to spend time with you. When I simply got to look at you or see you smile. It was hell going home at night knowing you were in Clement’s arms and not my own.”

“I didn’t know,” she choked out. “I didn’t know, Derrick!”

His expression gentled and he put his hand up to stroke her cheek, rubbing downward in a tender caress.

“I didn’t want you to know, Sandra. I was in an impossible position and I never wanted that for you. For Clement. I loved you both and I would have never done anything to destroy your marriage or cause trouble. So I waited. But I’m done waiting and you need to know that.”

Her breath caught again at the sincerity emblazoned on his features.

His hand trailed downward until his fingers brushed ever so lightly across her lips. She was tempted to lick them, wanting to taste him on her mouth.

“But now I feel as though I’ve been handed a gift I never dreamed of receiving. I was prepared to deny everything about myself. For you. I never imagined you’d want what it is I can give you. So I would have suppressed that need to dominate. I would have never demanded anything of you that you weren’t prepared to offer freely. But now that I know what you want? Brace yourself, Sandra, because now that I know, I’m not going to hold back any longer. I can give you all that you want and need and so much more. So very much more. You just have to decide whether you trust me to give that to you. And whether you think you can possibly come to care for me as much as I care for you.”

She did lick her lips then. Nervous. Anticipation tingling up her spine. And hope. Slowly unfurling like the petals of a flower at the first brush of spring. Warming in the sunshine after a long winter, waiting to bloom and burst free of constraints.

“I don’t know where to start,” she said honestly. “Tonight . . . It went nothing as I had planned.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Derrick muttered. “God, when I think of what could have happened had I not been there. It’s fate. She’s a fickle and at long last she’s smiled on me.”

“What happens now?” she asked quietly, her gaze never leaving his.

He leaned in, cupping her face with exquisite tenderness and reverence. His lips hovered precariously close to hers, his breath warming her skin. And then he placed his lips on hers.

Heat exploded through her veins, rushing until she could hear the roar in her ears. It was like an electric shock, something so unexpected and yet wonderful. Desire, long dormant, rose like a fury, curling through her womb and spreading outward like a wildfire.

Her skin prickled, chill bumps rising and dancing across her skin until she shivered uncontrollably against him.

He deepened the kiss, swiping his tongue warmly over the seam of her lips until she parted them breathlessly and he swept in, colliding with her tongue. He exclaimed softly against her mouth. She swallowed up the sound, suddenly hungry, so very hungry for more.

Never had she imagined feeling this way again. Of experiencing the intense craving, of having desire grab hold and completely overtake her. She’d been cold, so very cold, for so very long, and now she was warm. Bathed in fire. His heat consumed her. His smell, his taste, the very essence of him. How could she have never known? How could she have never imagined? How could she have never seen him as the desirable, alpha male who was currently driving her senseless?

When he pulled away, his eyes were hooded and flush with answering desire.

“What happens now, Sandra, is that you are mine. At long last, you are mine. And if all you said is true, if what you want and need is my dominance, then be assured. I will possess you. I will own you. And you will never know another man than me.”

He watched the myriad of emotions washing through her eyes. She was so expressive. She’d always been so. It was one of the things he’d enjoyed most about her. One only had to look into her eyes to know her mood. Happiness, sadness, excitement.

Arousal.

The last, he found, was extremely satisfying. Never had she looked at him as she did right at this moment. Triumph surged, even as he tempered his reaction. This wasn’t in the bag. Not by a long shot. Her next words confirmed that for him.

“I need time to think . . . About this—us,” she said in a shaky voice. “This was so unexpected, Derrick. I don’t want to make a hasty decision that I—we—will later regret.”

Her honesty was another thing he’d always admired about her.

“Of course,” he murmured. “There’s no rush.” Even as his mind screamed that there was every need to rush. He didn’t want her to think about it. Didn’t want her talking herself out of it. But he couldn’t blow this. Not when he was so close to getting what he’d wanted for so very long.

“I don’t know how long . . .”

She trailed off, lifting her hand to her temple as if it ached before letting it flutter back down to her lap. He took her hand, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her silky skin. Such slender, delicate fingers. Like the rest of her. He couldn’t get enough of touching her. He’d certainly touched her in the past, but always in the capacity of a friend. Affectionate. Nothing even resembling intimacy. They both knew his touch was intimate now, and it was a thrill he wouldn’t soon get over.

“Take your time, honey. But I want you to promise me something, okay?”

When she didn’t immediately look up, he lifted his free hand and cupped her chin, his touch as delicate as her skin.

CHAPTER 7

“Look at me, Sandra. This is important.”

She lifted her gaze to his, all the turmoil boiling in her gorgeous blue eyes.

“I want you to take as long as you need to think about it—us. But I want you to promise me that you won’t go back to The House. Not without me. Not for any reason. Not until this is decided between you and me, and I hope that, even if you don’t choose me, that you won’t go there on your own. I don’t want to imagine you under another man’s hands. Him touching you everywhere I want to be touching you. Do this for me at least.”

“You’re issuing me an ultimatum,” she said in a low voice. “You want me to promise that if I don’t choose you, I’ll deny what my heart wants. What I need. How is that fair?”

“Love isn’t fair,” he said bluntly, watching the flash of surprise in her eyes, how they widened at his statement.

He didn’t follow up on it. It was certainly too soon to lay that on her, on top of everything else the evening had wrought. She needed time to ponder other matters without him spouting declarations of love that she wouldn’t believe were sincere.

“What I’m asking you for is a chance, Sandra. Choose me. Let me initiate you into the world you want so badly. Give me that at least. If it’s not what you want, if it turns out this isn’t what you need, then we’ll step back and reevaluate. What I want is the opportunity—the exclusive opportunity, if you will. Because I’ve already said that I would have suppressed my need to dominate if that’s the only way I could have you. You knocked me for six when I saw you walk through the door into the common room and my world has been spinning ever since. All I want is a chance, honey. A chance. And I don’t want you going back there. Not without me. Not with anyone else until I’ve had the chance to prove to you that I’m all you need. Is that so wrong of me to ask?”

She stared at him for a long moment before finally and slowly shaking her head.

He leaned forward, brushing a peck across her furrowed brow, trying to relax the lines that had formed under the force of her concentration.

“I’ll give you time, Sandra. All the time you need. But don’t wait too long. You’ve waited this long to act. There’s no need to waste further time when this is something you’ve obviously given a lot of thought to. You know you can trust me. I hope you already do. And that’s a huge step over any other man you would have chosen and a step up from the guy you came into the common room with. Because, honey? I care about you and your pleasure. Craig doesn’t and he wouldn’t. Given the opportunity, I’ll lay the world at your feet. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to have you, to possess you. I just need the chance to prove it to you.”

The longing in her eyes was nearly his undoing. His impassioned speech had spoken to the heart of her. Of that he was certain.

“I won’t take long,” she said huskily. “I just need time to think. This is a lot. I mean I had no idea, Derrick. Today was going to be me letting go. Not only of Clement, but of you as well. I felt like I’d been a burden to you for far too long and that it was time for me to stop leaning on you. Time to let you get on with your life. I can’t imagine you’ve had any long-term relationships. Most women wouldn’t appreciate you dropping everything to comfort your best friend’s widow. I thought I was doing you—and myself—a favor by picking up the pieces and standing on my own two feet. And now you want that even more. I can’t wrap my head around it, and as I said, I don’t want to make a snap decision that we’ll both regret. I care about you, Derrick. Very much so. I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you for all you’ve done for me.”

“I don’t want your thanks, Sandra. I want you. Simple. Just you. And your submission. But as I said, if it turns out that this isn’t what you want, then it doesn’t have to be that way between us. I’d sacrifice a lot to have you any way I can have you.”

Sorrow filled her eyes. “I don’t want that for you, Derrick. I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t want you to be someone you aren’t. That’s as bad as if I’d expected—demanded—something from Clement I knew he wasn’t willing or able to give. I would have never asked him for that. So I can’t ask you to deny who you are for me.”

He pulled her forward into his arms, his lips finding hers, silencing her. She melted so sweetly into his body that it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms and carry her to his bed. But he’d waited this long. He’d wait for as long as it took for her to be ready.

“How about you let me decide the sacrifices I make. Didn’t you make sacrifices for Clement? That’s what love is, honey. You wanted and needed something he couldn’t give you, but it didn’t make you love him any less.”

She went still against him and then nestled even farther into his embrace, tucking her head underneath his chin. God, they fit. Like two puzzle pieces. He wrapped both arms around her, anchoring her there, simply enjoying the feel of her in his arms in a way he’d never been able to enjoy before. Because now she knew where he stood, and she was allowing it. She damn well knew he was holding and touching her not out of friendship, but as a man who very much wanted her heart and soul.

“Now about that promise?”

She slowly drew away and looked him in the eye. “I promise, Derrick. Just give me a little time to sort through all of this. It’s been a difficult day for me, and everything I thought was going to be, didn’t turn out the way I expected at all. I need to process this.”

He nodded and started to speak, but she continued on in a rush.

“I don’t want to use you, Derrick. And maybe I was okay with using a stranger. Someone who didn’t mean anything to me. But I won’t use you. Not you. I won’t use you as a crutch or some experiment. You mean too much to me. Your friendship means too much to me.”

He smiled and tenderly stroked a piece of hair from her cheek to behind her ear. “But honey, I don’t mind if you use me. As long as the end result is having you. I’ve used all manner of women over the past few years. I’m not proud of that fact, but it is what it is. They were all a poor substitute for what I couldn’t have at the time. You.”

“You pretended they were me?” she whispered in an astonished tone.

He nodded. “Again, I’m not proud of it. But there it is. I couldn’t have you, so I slaked my hunger and desire for you with other women. And maybe it changes the way you’ll look at me. It’s a chance I have to take. But I won’t lie to you. There have certainly been other women. I thought I was in a position to never have what I most wanted, so I dealt with it.”

“I don’t fault you for being with other women, Derrick. God, how could I? I was married. I would have never expected you to be faithful to a woman who wasn’t even yours!”

“I’m glad,” he said simply. “Because, honey? Once I have you, there’ll never be another woman. And you can take that to the bank.”

Her eyes widened in surprise again. It was as if it had all just sunk in at once. Her eyes dulled and went hazy with shock. Her body trembled and she balled her fingers together to try to hide the fact that they were shaking.

“I want you to stay here tonight, Sandra.”

He held up his hand when the protest formed on her lips. And then he cupped her chin, stroking his thumb down her jawline.

“You’ve been thrown one hell of a curveball. I get that. And I’m not asking you to go to bed with me. Not yet. Not tonight. But stay here in the guest room. I’d feel better if you weren’t alone. I’ll make us breakfast in the morning and then I’ll take you home. And then I’ll give you time. In the morning we’ll set a date. Dinner. Dancing. Whatever pleases you. Then you can give me your answer, and depending on the answer, we’ll go from there.”

She swallowed visibly and he could see the indecision in her eyes. Her weighing her options and trying to absorb the events of the day.

“Stay,” he whispered, angling his head to kiss her again.

She emitted a sweet sigh as his tongue pushed in to taste her all over again. Her lips were addictive. Now that he’d done it for the first time, he knew it would never be enough. He wanted to taste her everywhere. Her mammary glands. He wanted to get between her legs and savor every inch of her feminine flesh. And then he wanted to brand her. Possess her in every conceivable fashion there was to possess a woman. Until she had no doubt as to his ownership. No doubt that he was the last man who’d ever make love to her.

“Stay,” he said again, as he reluctantly ended the kiss and drew away.

She sucked in a breath and then exhaled it in a long wave, her shoulders slumping downward with the action.

“All right,” she conceded. “I’ll stay.”

When she walked into Derrick’s kitchen the next morning, he knew she hadn’t slept well, if at all. But then neither had he. How could he when he was imagining her in the next bedroom? So close and yet a world away. Out of reach. He’d lain in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, alternately thanking and cursing fate.

He was so close. This close to having his heart’s desire, and he kept wondering if this was all some sick joke fate was playing on him. Dangling the proverbial carrot in front of his nose only to cruelly yank it away. What if Sandra backed out? What if she’d acted on impulse and after careful consideration chose to change her mind?

He couldn’t handle it. It had been bad enough before when he’d known he had no chance with her. But now? Now that he’d tasted her lips, had held her in his arms? He couldn’t bear it if he lost her now. Before he even had her once.

Not that once would ever be enough. Not with her. Other women? Once had been all he’d ever wanted. He hadn’t wanted to form relationships even though not doing so was torture in itself. He saw Sandra and Clement. Was tortured by what they had and by knowing he’d never have the same.

Most of the time he sucked it up and dealt. But the nights when he couldn’t, when he was lonely and aching for what could never be, he’d gone to The House. Sated his needs and then went back to his self-induced purgatory.

He hoped that was over. For good. He could only hope. If willing it made it happen, then she’d have already been in his bed. Tied to it so she’d never leave.

Desperate? That didn’t even cover it. Not by a long shot.

He had no pride when it came to Sandra. And he didn’t give one damn.

He poured a cup of her favorite coffee and slid it along the bar as she sat down. She was wearing one of his T-shirts, a fact that made him absurdly happy, and a pair of pajama bottoms she’d had to cinch tight to keep from falling down her hips. Not that he would have minded . . .

“You didn’t sleep, baby,” he said in a gentle tone.

She flinched and closed her eyes, but not before he saw a surge of grief swamp them.

“Please don’t call me that,” she whispered.

“Of course. I didn’t think. I’m sorry,” he said softly.

It was what Clement had always called her.

“There are plenty of other endearments I’ll use for you, honey.”

She opened her eyes and a smile flirted with the corners of her mouth.

“Now, that’s better. Surely it wasn’t that bad of a night?”

But even as he said it, he knew it likely had been. It had been hell for him, and he wasn’t the one who’d been handed a huge shock. And on the anniversary of Clement’s death. He inwardly winced, but then timing wasn’t always his friend. He wasn’t going to not act just because it was the date of his best friend’s death. Fate—and Sandra—had forced his hand.

“It was a lot to take in,” she admitted, bringing the cup to her lips.

She took a sip and then closed her eyes as pleasure washed away the lines of fatigue on her face.

“You spoil me,” she said, lowering the cup.

“No, but I intend to.”

“So last night wasn’t a dream then.”

He leaned over the counter so they were face-to-face, their gazes locked. “It was a dream. My dream. Now all we have to do is make it reality.”

“You make it sound so simple,” she murmured.

“It is. Or it isn’t. It’s what we choose to make it. Me? I’m a straightforward guy, but then you know that already. I’ve waited long enough, so you’ll have to excuse my impatience now that what I want is within reach.”

“How is this supposed to work, Derrick? I spent all night thinking—wondering—what this all means. Before it was surreal. It was in the abstract. Not real and in my face. I fantasized. I wondered. I even conjured up various scenarios. But now that it’s here, right in front of me, I don’t know what to do. What to expect.”

“Why don’t we both eat. We’ll talk over breakfast and I’ll answer any question you want the answer to. But as I warned you last night, if you’re unprepared for the answer, it’s best you don’t ask.”

She nodded. “No, I want the truth. I want the reality. I need to know what this means. What me being with you means.”

He reached over to squeeze her hand. “Head over to the breakfast nook. I’ll grab our plates and meet you there.”

He watched as she shuffled the short distance, holding the mug of coffee between her palms as if trying to infuse her entire body with its warmth. He’d much rather wrap himself around her. He’d give her all the warmth she needed and so much more.

CHAPTER 8

Patience, Derrick. Don’t blow this, man. Not when you’re so close. You’ve waited too long for this.

He tempered his eagerness and took his time gathering the plates and bringing them to the table where Sandra sat. She just looked . . . right. In his house, wearing his clothes, still slightly rumpled from just coming from bed, even with her hair blow-dried from her shower. The only thing that would make it better is if she’d just come from his bed.

Soon enough.

He slid the plate in front of her, watching her eyes widen, a broad smile curving her lips.

“My favorite,” she said huskily.

He smiled back at her. “Of course. Did you think I’d serve you anything else? Waffles with lots of butter and even more syrup. Dig in and enjoy. I’ll bring back milk and the bacon.”

She sighed. “I do love them but I can’t indulge often. Too many calories!”

He shook his head as he returned again with their drinks and the plate of bacon. “There isn’t a thing wrong with the way you look, Sandra. Utter perfection from the top of your pretty head to the tip of those pretty pink toes you sport.”

She flushed, her cheeks going a shade of pink that nearly matched those toes.

“I don’t know how to take this . . . this change in our relationship. I’m off balance. Just yesterday I was planning to let go of you much the way I had to let go of Clement. And now . . .”

She lifted her hand in bewilderment and let it fall back to her lap.

“That wasn’t happening,” he said mildly. “You may have thought you were getting rid of me, honey, but I’m not going anywhere. I would have waited for as long as it took, but there was never a question of me making a move. You just happened to make it first.”

He watched her process his declaration, the brief furrow of her brows as they knitted in consternation. As though she was still trying to understand everything he’d dumped on her in the last twenty-four hours. And then she lowered her gaze, effectively putting an end to her silent contemplation.

She dug into her waffles and he watched, savoring her enjoyment over the breakfast he’d prepared for her. She ate as she did everything else. Artlessly. No self-consciousness. She was a woman unafraid to show her pleasure over even the simplest things. And he intended to bring her a lot more pleasure than waffles for breakfast. He had in mind a hundred ways he wanted to spoil her.

“Now, you wanted to know how this works. What exactly do you mean?” he asked.

Her fork stilled in midair on its way to her mouth. Then she lowered it, licking her lips in agitation.

“You have to know, I mean you do know now, that I’m completely new to this. I told you the things I wanted, but you haven’t told me what you want. How you expect this to work. What you’ll want of me. What you’ll do to me.”

She shivered as she said the last, and he hoped she was imagining all those things he’d do to her. And that those images intrigued and aroused her as much as they did him.

“I think the question is, what do you want me to do to—with—you.”

Impatience flared in her eyes, an emotion he was well acquainted with.

“Derrick, please. Don’t play games with me. This is important.”

At that his expression became utterly serious. He leaned forward, his gaze boring into her.

“This is no game, Sandra. Don’t think that even for a minute. What I feel for you, what I want to do to you, is no game. Not by a long shot.”

“Then help me out here,” she said in a pleading tone. “I’m lost without a road map. I need your honesty. I need to know what you’re thinking. I need to know how you see this playing out.”

“I think,” he said carefully, “that if we are to get into the particulars of our relationship, I’d prefer to do it in the living room where I can at least be touching you when I tell you my expectations and you outline your own.”

“And what if I don’t know what it is I want?”

He could sense her frayed nerves. He knew she was precariously close to cracking. No matter his impatience, no matter his urgency to claim what he wanted and had wanted for a damn long time, she needed delicate handling and all the reassurance he could grant her while still remaining firm. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow her to slip through his fingers when he finally had her exactly where he wanted her.

“You know, honey,” he said gently. “You were clear enough last night. Just because you’re no longer dealing with a stranger doesn’t mean that things change. If anything, you should be much freer and without inhibitions with me. I want to know every single thing that’s going on in that pretty head of yours. And you’ll get everything in mine as well. That I can guarantee.”

She rose, simmering with impatience—and nervousness. “Then let’s do it. I want to know. I need to know before I make any decisions.”

He caught her hand, pulling her into his side, wanting simply to touch her as he’d wanted to from the moment she’d entered his kitchen. He caressed her cheek and watched her eyes go warm with pleasure. It was a look he’d savor the rest of his life. Because she saw him. Finally, she saw him.

He guided her into the living room and sat down first on the leather couch before pulling her down and into his arms. She stiffened for a moment and he simply waited. Then she relaxed and melted into his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.

He could smell the scent of his shampoo, could feel a slight dampness that hadn’t been removed when she’d blow-dried her hair after her shower. He liked his scent on her. If he had his way, she’d smell like him all the time. His. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment—and the thought—that finally, she would be his. No, she hadn’t yet voiced her decision but he wondered if she knew he could see acceptance in her eyes already.

She was nervous, yes, but he also saw the agreement simmering in those gorgeous blue eyes. Anticipation licked up his spine. Spread out from his groin until his balls ached with it.

She tilted her head up so she could see him and then to his surprise, she touched him. Grazed her fingertip over his jaw. It was as soft as a butterfly’s wing and yet he felt it all the way to his soul. It scorched a path over his skin, his entire body alive with pleasure at her touch.

“Tell me, Derrick. Be honest with me. What will it mean to belong to you? What do you expect of me? I need to know these things. I need to know what I’m supposed to do. What you want me to do.”

“It will mean . . . everything,” he breathed out. “To me and I hope to you as well. You’ll be mine, Sandra. In every sense of the word. Mine and no other’s. I will take care of your every need. Provide whatever you could possibly want. In return for your submissiveness, I’ll give you the world on a platter. I’ll cherish you, protect you, spoil and pamper you endlessly.”

“That sounds like a pretty awesome deal for me. But what about you, Derrick? What do you get?”

“You,” he said simply. “Just you, Sandra. And believe me when I say that’s enough. It’s all I want. It’s all I need. Just you.”

The yearning in her eyes took his breath away. She hadn’t exaggerated. She’d been as lonely and as aching as he had been the last three years.

“And what will you do to me?” she whispered. “How will you exert your dominance? And do you want my submissiveness only in bed or will it extend out of the bedroom as well?”

“What would you prefer?” he asked, turning the question back on her.

She shook her head, her lips forming a tight, determined line. “I already told you what I wanted. It’s time for you to give me an idea of what you have in mind. I want it all, Derrick. No sugarcoating. I want to know exactly what you want.”

“I want everything, Sandra. And by that I mean I want your complete obedience in and out of the bedroom. I’ll call the shots. You might think I’m caging you, but honey, it will be the most gilded cage in the world and there won’t be a woman on earth who is more cherished or spoiled than you.”

She drew in her breath, her eyes widening.

“Now, I think what you’re asking and what you want to know relates to the more physical aspects of our relationship. Am I right?”

She nodded, her cheeks turning that delightful shade of pink again.

“I like complete submission, but surrender is more than just physical surrender. It’s complete emotional surrender as well. And in some ways, emotional surrender is much more powerful and a much more precious thing to be given. It’s an honor, and I don’t say that lightly. A woman can give her body and never share her heart, her mind, her very soul. But a woman who gives freely of both body and mind is the most precious of gifts to receive. I don’t fool myself into thinking that at any time the women I’ve been with—have dominated—have given me anything but their body. And I was okay with that, because they didn’t have my heart either. We shared our bodies and nothing more.”

He paused a moment, allowing her to absorb his heartfelt words. Watched as she processed them, her eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions. Then he touched her, much like she’d touched him, running his fingertip lovingly down the line of her jaw and finally to brush across the softness of her lips.

“With you, Sandra, it will be so much different. So much better. So much more. Physically? I’ll want complete and unfettered access to your body. It will be mine to do with as I please. Bondage, spankings, there are no limits. I like to inflict pain, pleasurable pain. Pain can be the sweetest of pleasures if given in the right manner. There is nothing more that I wish than to see my marks on you. The blush of red after I’ve flogged your sweet behind. I want to tie you up so that you are completely helpless and at my mercy, but honey, I’ll have the most tender of mercies with you.”

Her eyes had glazed, going dark and swirling with desire. He knew he was speaking to the heart of her. Every single thing she’d fantasized about, she’d dreamed about and ached for, he was going to give her. And he’d enjoy every damn minute of making all her fantasies reality.

He dropped his hand down the curve of her neck until it rested just over the beat of her heart.

“Emotionally? I want your heart. Your soul. Your complete and absolute trust and your surrender. I want your gift of submission and I’ll cherish it as I cherish you. I’ll respect it and never give you cause to regret your decision. That’s the promise I make you.”

She stared at him in bewilderment, her eyes flashing, shadows lurking in the hollows. “How did you know? How could you know, Derrick? How can you see what I’ve only been able to see myself lately? How could you possibly reach into my head and know?”

He smiled and kissed her brow, running his hand around and then up and down her back, reveling in the feel of her in his arms. Finally in his arms.

“Because it’s what I want most too, honey. It’s what I’ve wanted for so very long. And I’ll make you another promise. I won’t rush you. I won’t overwhelm you. We have all the time in the world. Yours will be a gentle initiation into my world. Now that I know you can finally be mine, I intend to savor every moment.”

“You act as though I’ve already made my decision,” she murmured.

“Haven’t you? Perhaps you need time to justify it, but you’ve already made your choice, Sandra. I saw it in your eyes when you walked into my kitchen this morning, and it was all I could do not to do a fist pump or something equally adolescent. You make me that way. Like a kid just gifted with his fondest desire. Birthday and Christmas all rolled into one.”

“I want—I need—to talk with Karla and Sophia. Especially Sophia. She’ll be hurt by this. She won’t understand.”

Then her eyes widened in alarm and she glanced frantically at the clock above the fireplace.

“Oh my God, Derrick! I have to call them! I completely forgot. I promised I’d call them. They were worried. Karla said if she didn’t hear from me she was calling the police. I hope she hasn’t already!”

Derrick chuckled. “Go call the girls. Tell them you’re in good hands. There’s plenty of time to explain to them later. But for now put them at ease. I’m glad you have such loyal, devoted friends. Our friends,” he amended. “And Sandra, they will understand. If they love you—and they do—they’ll only want you to be happy.”

She surprised him again, this time framing his face in her hands and placing her lips on his, full on the mouth. Liquid pleasure rushed through his veins unlike anything he’d ever known. He allowed her free rein, held himself back and let her do it, the exploring. And when she pulled away, her eyes were glazed with passion, surely a mirror of his own.

Oh yes, she saw him. He was filled with triumph and intense satisfaction. The blinders had come off, and she saw him, not as a friend, not as support, but as a man who wanted her with everything he had.

And she wanted him.

There would be many wonderful days ahead, but he’d always remember this one. Not that he harbored any idea that it would be easy and that they wouldn’t have obstacles to face and overcome. But they would get there. He’d make damn sure of it.

“I’ll be right back,” she said in a husky voice. “I just need to tell them I’m okay. And yes, I’ll explain everything to them later. They’ll want to know. For now I’ll just tell them that I backed out of The House. Sophia will be glad. She didn’t want me to go.”

“She worries about you,” he said.

“Yes, and she has good reason to fear the monsters of the world,” Sandra said painfully. “She didn’t want for me what she had to endure for all those years. She fears dominance, control, abuse and being powerless.”

CHAPTER 9

“Yes, that’s understandable,” Derrick said quietly. “But you don’t fear that from me, do you, Sandra?”

The shock in her eyes filled him with fierce satisfaction.

“No, Derrick! Never!”

He kissed her again before pushing her upward from the couch. “Go and make your calls before the police get involved. If I know Karla, she was absolutely serious about calling the police. It wouldn’t surprise me if she hasn’t hauled Ken over to your house already. You call the girls. I’ll call Ken and let him know you’re okay.”

Sandra leaned back on her couch with a deep sigh and flopped her head backward to stare up at the ceiling. She felt emotionally wrung out, and for the first time she couldn’t blame it on Clement’s death or the anniversary of it.

It was a different kind of turmoil, one she’d never imagined when she’d bravely—or rather thought she was bravely—taking control of her future. Now that future was one huge question mark.

She sighed again and closed her eyes, weariness assailing her. She would have drifted off, despite the chaos her mind was in, if the doorbell hadn’t rung. And rung again. Insistently.

She knew without confirming that it was likely Karla or Sophia or even both. They wouldn’t have been put off by her phone call simply telling them she’d backed out. They’d want to hear the entire story themselves.

With a resigned groan, she pushed herself up from the couch and shuffled towards the door.

Derrick had dropped her off barely half an hour earlier after all the necessary phone calls had been made. She shivered as she remembered the raw desire she’d seen in his eyes. Felt the heat of his mouth on hers. Remembered his fingertips sliding down her face to her neck as he’d said good-bye and that he’d see her soon.

The promise in his voice had given her much to think about. Now that she was back on her own turf, so to speak, she had a lot to contemplate and process.

As soon as she opened the door she wanted to groan again. Karla and Sophia both stood staring back at her. Karla’s gaze was sharp and discerning, looking over Sandra as if she could peel back the layers of Sandra’s thoughts. Sophia looked more uncertain—and worried.

Karla pushed by her, Sophia following behind in her wake.

“Okay, spill it, girlfriend. We don’t buy that bullshit you said about simply deciding to opt out of The House and spending the evening with Derrick instead.”

Sandra followed Karla and Sophia into her living room and flopped back on the couch she’d just vacated.

“And don’t think you’re going to leave a single detail out,” Karla continued. “I’ll sic Ken on Derrick if I have to. One way or another, I’ll get the dirt, so you may as well cough it up now.”

“Are you all right?” Sophia asked anxiously. “Did something happen last night, Sandra? Did someone hurt you or frighten you?”

Sandra smiled ruefully. What to say to those questions? Yes, no and yes?

“I’m fine,” she reassured. “Honestly. It’s complicated.”

Karla’s lips tightened and she got that “aha” look on her face that suggested she’d known something was up.

“What happened then?” Sophia asked.

“What really happened, Sandra?” Karla pushed. “I saw you yesterday. I heard you. And whether you had any apprehensiveness, I know you, and you were bound and determined to go to The House and see it through. And then I get a phone call saying oh never mind, I didn’t go and I’m at home?”

She snorted in disbelief.

“I went,” Sandra hedged.

Sophia’s forehead furrowed. “But you said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t go,” Sandra corrected. “I merely said I changed my mind.”

“And?” Karla asked quietly. “What happened, Sandra?”

Sandra sighed. “Derrick happened.”

Karla’s mouth rounded into an O about the time realization sparked in her eyes. “Oh shit. Derrick was there, wasn’t he? Oh my God, did he freak?”

Sophia looked absolutely confused as she jerked her head back and forth between Sandra and Karla, trying to keep up with what was going on.

Before Sandra could answer, Karla pushed forward.

“I’m so sorry, Sandra. I should have warned you, Derrick is hardly in there. I mean I know he’s a member, but it didn’t even occur to me to tell you that, because what were the odds that he’d show up on the night you went?”

Sophia shook her head in bewilderment. “Derrick—our Derrick—goes to The House? Why?”

Sandra’s cheeks warmed and she and Karla exchanged looks of understanding.

“He’s a Dominant,” Karla said gently. “Like Ken.”

Sophia went silent, processing the revelation. Tension vibrated from her, and it made Sandra uneasy for what she’d have to tell both her friends. But especially Sophia.

Sophia was . . . Well, she was very black-and-white. Her worldview was very narrow and she didn’t often venture outside the parameters she’d set. She had good reason to be as she was, but it didn’t always make things easy. Sophia was rigid, and this would likely throw her for a loop.

“He was there when I walked in with another man,” Sandra said in a low voice. “It didn’t go well.”

Karla winced. “I don’t imagine it did.”

“He hauled me out and took me back to his house intending to lecture me after he scraped an inch of skin off my hide. He didn’t think I had any clue what I was getting into.”

“And did you inform him differently?” Karla asked.

Sandra nodded. “That’s when it got . . . interesting.”

Sophia’s perplexed look deepened and Karla’s eyes widened. Both of her friends sat forward, picking up on Sandra’s tone.

Sandra drew in her breath, knowing her friends would know sooner or later and she’d rather it come from her.

“Derrick said . . .”

She struggled with just how to put it. This was much harder than she imagined because she still hadn’t come to terms with it herself!

“What did he say?” Karla prompted.

“He said that if that was what I wanted—what I needed—then he was going to be the only man who gave those things to me.”

“Whoa,” Karla breathed.

Sophia’s reaction was a bit more explosive. “What? I don’t understand. He what?”

“He wants me,” Sandra said in a low voice. “Has wanted me a long time. I didn’t know. I feel so stupid, but I had no idea!”

“Wow,” Karla said. “I mean I used to think, a long time ago, the way he looked at you sometimes . . . I thought there was something there. But then you and Clement were so happy and Derrick remained friends with you both, and he never made a move after Clement died, so I thought I imagined it.”

Sophia’s face flushed with anger. “He had a thing for you when you were married to my brother?”

“It’s not like he ever acted on it,” Karla gently chided. “You can’t control who you’re attracted to.”

“Clement knew,” Sandra murmured. “Derrick told me that Clement knew and that it didn’t affect their friendship.”

“I would certainly prefer him to some stranger you pick up at The House,” Sophia said, an edge still to her voice. “But I’m worried about this. You and him. I never imagined Derrick to be that kind of person. I worry that he could hurt you physically and emotionally, and I worry about the strain it might put on all our friendships.”

Karla’s features tightened. “That kind of person? What’s that supposed to mean? Ken’s that kind of person, Sophia, and he’d never hurt me.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Sophia said wearily. “I’m worried about Sandra, okay? It seems like lately she’s making a lot of impulsive decisions, and I don’t want her to get hurt. And I worry about this thing with Derrick. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact he was attracted to his best friend’s wife.”

Impatience and frustration warred with Sandra. “I’ve considered all of those things,” she snapped out. “I’ve taken into account how it would affect our circle of friends, especially if it didn’t work out.”

She drew in a breath before continuing.

“I’ve never looked at him as anything but a friend until now, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I hate feeling like I’m betraying my dead husband for even considering this. I would have never been unfaithful to Clement, even if I’d known that Derrick had feelings for me. And I don’t like you questioning his integrity because he had feelings for me that he never acted on until now.”

Sophia grimaced and looked away. Karla leaned farther forward, taking Sandra’s hand in hers.

“Yes, it could change things,” Karla said in a calm voice. “But you can’t live your life without taking risks. If this is something you want to go for, you at least need to try. It’s worse to live with the what-ifs than it is to take the plunge and fail. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“I have everything to lose,” Sandra said in a raw voice. “I lost Clement and it would devastate me to ever lose Derrick’s friendship. It would devastate me to lose yours or Sophia’s. I don’t want to lose anyone else I love.”

Karla’s face filled with love and understanding. It made Sandra’s eyes go watery, and damn it, enough with the tears. It was time to move beyond all that. To stop being such an emotionally fragile person.

“Sweetie, life is all about risk and there are no guarantees, as you well know,” Karla said gently. “Let me ask you something. If you knew back when you and Clement got married that you’d only have a few short years with him, if you knew he’d die, would you have done anything differently? Would you have walked away from him then to spare yourself the pain of losing him later?”

The question shook Sandra to her core. Without even thinking about it, her response was immediate.

“No, of course I wouldn’t have walked away! I’d do it all over again, and I wouldn’t change a thing, even knowing I’d lose him. Because what time we did have together was wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” she said painfully.

“Then why aren’t you willing to take a chance with Derrick?” Karla asked. “What if it works out? What if he makes you happy? What if he gives you what you want and need? What if you find love again? What if you have one wonderful year with him, and he gives you what you need and then you split up? Wouldn’t you rather have that year and not live with regret over not ever giving it a chance? You can’t stop taking risks just because you lost someone already. It’s no way to live, in fear of living in case of pain.”

“She has a point,” Sophia said grudgingly. “And I do want you to be happy, Sandra. Even if it’s not with Clement. I’ll support you no matter what happens with Derrick. As you told me, we’re sisters, and we’re best friends.”

“Thank you,” Sandra said sincerely. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’d do without such wonderful friends—sisters. You’ve both given me a lot to think about. And I do have to give this careful consideration.”

Karla squeezed her hand. “We’ll leave you to it then. Just know that I’m only a phone call away. And I also want you to know, that no matter what, I love you. Ken and I both love you. And he’ll personally kick Derrick’s ass if he ever hurts you.”

Sandra smiled, but sadness tugged at her heart. She didn’t want to cause a rift between her friends. She didn’t want Ken to ever become angry with Derrick over her.

Sophia rose and then leaned down to hug Sandra fiercely. Sandra returned the hug and then pushed herself up to go walk her friends out.

“Keep in touch, hon, okay?” Karla said. “And if you ever need to talk, just pick up the phone. Night or day. It doesn’t matter.”

“I will,” Sandra said truthfully. “And thank you both again for caring about me. I’m not going to do anything to cause anyone hurt. I hope you both know that.”

“We do,” Sophia assured. “And I’m sorry if I hurt you with the things I said. I do love you, Sandra. And I do want you to be happy. I know that Clement would want you to be happy. It takes a pretty special guy to remain friends with a man who had feelings for his wife. If Clement could and did live with that, then so can I.”

Sandra hugged them both and then watched as they walked down the paved sidewalk to where they were parked out front. She stood there as they drove away and then she went back inside to get her purse and her keys.

It was automatic to get in her car and drive towards the cemetery. She wasn’t even aware of what she was doing until she neared the gates leading inside. She braked and came to a stop at the entryway, staring ahead at all the headstones that dotted the landscape.

She’d been coming to talk to Clement. To explain about Derrick and ask Clement’s blessing. When she’d sworn she was moving on, letting go, and wouldn’t return here. Not again.

With a shake of her head, she backed up enough to execute a U-turn and then drove away, aiming her car in the direction of Derrick’s subdivision.

HE shouldn’t have brought her home. He shouldn’t have left her alone after dropping such a bomb on her. He should have kept her here with him, within touching distance. Not giving her time and space for her to change her mind or talk herself out of what he knew she was agreeing to.

CHAPTER 10

Derrick gripped the back of his neck as he poured another cup of coffee and glanced at the remnants of his and Sandra’s earlier breakfast. In a kitchen that had never entertained another woman. Certainly not breakfast after a sleepover.

He liked her stamp in his home and in his space. Liked the remembrance of her walking into his kitchen wearing his shirt, and those sleepy, beautiful eyes.

He hadn’t wanted to let her go. Not after finally making a move to make her his. But it was the right thing to do.

You had to let her go to see if she’d come back to you.

He shook his head at the absurdity of his thoughts. It wasn’t like him to spout hokey psychological shit, and he wasn’t one of those who indulged in philosophical crap “like if you love someone, set them free.”

He was more of a “if you love them, then never let them go” person. And yet he hadn’t kept her. He’d driven her home and had very civilly informed her that they’d be seeing one another soon. And then he’d kissed her. Not as he’d wanted to. She’d looked too fragile, too close to unraveling at the seams, and so it had been one of comfort and reassurance. Not one of a man consumed with passion for the woman he was holding.

He looked up when his cell rang, and he remembered he had an important call today. He cursed, because his mind was not on business. Bringing in a new partner, while necessary, wasn’t ideal at the moment. He’d wanted to ease Sandra into it, and then everything had changed. Would this put a barrier between them at a time when she was finally seeing him as more than a friend?

He picked up the phone and strode into his office, his mind quickly shifting gears to the task ahead. He had to put Sandra out of his mind, at least until he squared away this particular matter. And then? He was pulling a full-court press. He missed Clement too, but his best friend was gone. His business partner was gone. It was time to start thinking about his own best interests instead of pushing them down, as he’d done for the last six years.

He and Clement had founded a successful consulting business. Corporations called on them when they needed or wanted to downsize and cut costs. Most of their contracts came from the many oil companies in the Houston area, but they also did consulting work for other large corporations and even a few smaller ones.

Clement’s natural affinity for people and Derrick’s analytical mind had been a very successful combination. The two had worked in tandem, Clement on the front lines, wining and dining potential customers, Derrick on the back end, doing the analysis, drawing up the proposals that Clement would later present.

Only now Derrick had been forced to be both the front line and the back end. By bringing James Brown on, Derrick would effectively take over Clement’s responsibilities and push himself to the forefront while James would handle the behind-the-scenes details.

“Derrick Chase,” he said, when he entered the confines of his home office.

He closed the door behind him and then went to his desk to open his laptop as James gave his greeting.

“I’m glad you called,” Derrick said. “We have a lot to discuss. Did you have time to look over the documents I couriered over?”

James Brown was someone Derrick had met through business a few years earlier. He and Clement had dealings with him, and Derrick respected the other man. Thought he’d be perfect as a partner when he and Clement looked to expand. That was all before Clement’s death.

Derrick had set aside their plans and focused on keeping the business afloat because he’d wanted to make damn sure Sandra and Sophia were both provided for. Sophia was a damn good office manager, but losing Clement had put a strain on her. Derrick had wanted her to take a break from work. Take a few weeks off to deal with the grief and shock over her brother’s death, but she’d insisted on coming in to work. She’d needed the outlet, something to occupy her time, but Derrick knew it was a temporary bandage. He wasn’t sure if she had ever truly dealt with that grief or accepted Clement’s death.

Neither Sandra nor Sophia would likely take well to Derrick replacing Clement, but perhaps Sandra would be more accepting than Sophia since Sophia was the one who would have to work with someone other than Derrick and her brother.

The two men spoke of their ideas, James adding several of his own that Derrick found appealing. They’d met several times already but all that was left was for James to formally accept and the two businesses to merge.

What was once Barkley and Chase would now become Chase and Associates. Leaving room for further expansion down the road if he and James so chose that route.

James wasn’t an arrogant man who insisted his name be plastered or that he receive credit. Derrick wouldn’t have minded giving the man his due, but he was content to leave Derrick’s name at the forefront and work more behind the scenes.

Where before, Clement had been the front man and Derrick had worked out the kinks, troubleshot and worked the back end, now Derrick would take his place, leaving James to do more of the legwork.

He hadn’t planned it as a way to be able to give Sandra more of his time and not be so wrapped up in his work. After all he hadn’t had any clue that he would be making a move this quickly. But the timing was perfect, because if he had his way, work would take more of a backseat to his relationship with Sandra now that he finally had her precisely where he wanted her.

The men spoke several more minutes, confirming what Derrick already knew. That James would be joining him. All that was left was for him to come on board and for Derrick to announce it.

“There’s one thing, James,” Derrick said at the end of their conversation.

“I’m listening.”

“I need time—a few days—before we make this public. I want to tell Sandra and Sophia myself.”

There was a pause. “Are they resistant to my presence?”

Derrick could hear the wariness in the other man’s voice. The hint of irritation that Derrick would approach a business decision allowing emotion to rule. But Derrick wasn’t heartless.

“They don’t know about your presence,” Derrick said. “And I want it to come from me. No one else.”

“And will they be trouble?”

“No,” Derrick said shortly.

“I can give you a few days. Nothing more.”

“That’s all I need. We’ll meet on Monday. My office.”

James agreed and then rung off, leaving Derrick sitting at his desk in brooding silence.

He’d told James the women wouldn’t be trouble. And they wouldn’t, simply because they had no choice in the matter. Clement had left Sandra enough to keep her financially protected her entire life, but the business had been left in Derrick’s hands. Sandra had no power, no decisions. She’d have to accept whatever Derrick decided. As would Sophia. But neither had to like it, and Derrick didn’t want this to drive a wedge between them. Any of them.

When he finally made his way from his office back toward the kitchen, he heard the sound of a vehicle outside his house. Frowning, because he wasn’t expecting company, he walked toward the window that looked out to his drive.

To his surprise, he saw Sandra’s car parked there. But she hadn’t gotten out. She was still sitting in the driver’s seat, her hands curled tightly around the wheel.

A curl of apprehension snaked down his spine as he stepped out the front door. When she saw him, the car door opened and she stepped out.

It was obvious even from a distance that she was upset. She was pale, her eyes large and wounded. And when she lifted her gaze to meet his, fear gripped him.

He was ten kinds of a fool for pushing her so hard, so soon. This was it. She was here to tell him . . . no. And this time, she’d run, and she’d keep running. He may never see her again, and that simply wasn’t an option.

He’d lost her before he’d ever had a chance to win her.

She looked desperately unhappy. Sadness shadowed her eyes and that was the very last thing he wanted for her. It hurt him to see her like this. It hurt him to know that he was the reason for her sadness.

“Sandra,” he began.

To his surprise, the moment he said her name, she hurried toward him and threw herself into his arms. He caught her against him, holding her so she didn’t fall. So they both didn’t fall. And he savored the warmth of her body, her softness tucked so sweetly against him.

For a moment he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of her hair, wondering if this was good-bye.

“Oh Derrick,” she said, his name catching on a sob.

“What is it, honey? Why are you so unhappy?”

He stroked a hand down her hair, pushing it behind her ear as he gently pulled her away so he could look into her eyes.

“I was on my way to the cemetery,” she blurted. “I was going to explain to Clement. To ask for his blessing or perhaps make him understand. It sounds so stupid, I know.”

Derrick slowly shook his head. “It’s not stupid, honey. He was your husband. You loved him very much. It’s only natural that you’d want to share this kind of thing with him.”

She closed her eyes as a tear slid down one cheek. That single tear nearly ripped him in two. He didn’t want her sad any longer. He wanted her happy. Even if it was without him.

“I didn’t go,” she said. “I couldn’t. I promised him—myself—that I wouldn’t go there anymore. It’s not how I want to remember him. I can’t go there anymore. It hurts too much.”

“You came here instead. Why?” he asked, dreading her response.

She lifted her gaze back to his, emotion smoldering in those beautiful eyes. Eyes that were drenched with moisture. Misery clouded the depths, and he swore viciously to himself, because this wasn’t what he wanted at all.

“Because I have to try,” she whispered. “I won’t know unless I—we—try.”

His insides caved in, relief overwhelming him. His knees wobbled and he had to steady himself so they didn’t both end up on the ground.