Chapter 6

Back in my cramped rental, I packed up all of Julian’s things.

What he gave me, I threw in the trash.

What I gave him, I burned or shredded.

Not a single scrap was left.

I opened my most cherished “bucket list” photo album and tore out each picture—

The first time bungee jumping, Julian had an arm around my pale face, flashing a peace sign at the camera;

The first time car racing, I got out of the passenger seat with trembling legs, and Julian, dressed in his racing suit, stood by the car door, reaching out to me;

The first time diving, I fainted on the beach, and Julian nervously gave me CPR;

The first time skydiving, I clung to the plane door, refusing to let go, and Julian forcefully pushed me from behind…

All those "first times" for me were "last times."

All those things I'd risked my life to do with him,

I thought they would become his cherished memories for life.

But they were all just part of his routine.

All the things I crossed off my bucket list, then rewrote as his "unfinished business,"

Were all just things he took for granted.

Looking at the empty album, the bitter knot in my chest finally dissolved into tears, flowing out uncontrollably.